001[Music] [Applause] [Music] good morning everyone thank you very much you will not believe what I just saw on Twitter 30 seconds ago everyone do me a favor okay get out your cellphone's okay go on Twitter okay do you see it can you believe it okay take a minute absorb it amazing ready now take your cell phones turn them off and put them in your pocket good morning everyone thank you very much thank you for being such a wonderful audience through a truly spectacular Chautauqua day yesterday I hope you enjoyed them we are very fortunate to have as our thrilling conclusion one more Chautauqua guests and in order to do our very best in maximizing the experience like you did so wonderfully yesterday no cell phones no music don't forget no talking no sleeping and for
002the good students no homework and no reading now if you love to read there will be a tremendous opportunity for you as a matter of fact our next guest her actual publisher is Greensburg high school graduate Greensburg Indiana resident mr. Tracy winners who has been taking care of our guests and you will have an opportunity students can purchase these books at the extremely low rate of $5 afterwards and that's $10 then for adults and so I am so thrilled and I told her I'm going to make this the shortest introduction ever okay and she's going to tell her story and we are honored to have with us this morning martha nets Wade [Applause] good morning come on you can do better than that good morning cuz this is a really good morning for me because
003this at my time is 6 a.m. I am from Southern California I am one exit from Disneyland and walking distance to Angel Stadium I love the Angels so much my son is named after the former outfielder Garret Anderson his first name is Garrett his middle name is Ryder we call him Ryder we knew we always would and he has lived up to that expectation completely he is a senior in high school and he rides waves skateboards and whatever else has put before him and I love the fact and I took a picture yesterday as I was walking through here of your indoor pool mind boggling it's like if you came and you went to our beaches and how you saw that when I saw your indoor pool I was like what I snapped it I
004sent it to my family and they were like do you not so especially because it has a wall between the athletes and the parents so you don't have to listen to us that's probably the best part for student athletes I have a daughter she is 21 she is also a senior she is in college she is a track athlete and she runs steeplechase anybody know what steeplechase is what is it you jump and one of those barriers is a water barrier so she starts the race that she takes off and she jumps and Johnson jumps and then dives trying to miss the water and then keeps going it is a 3k and she also runs cross country you'll hear a little bit about her later and for me I grew up in Orange County I'm
005less than a mile from the hospital I was born in now and most of my life while I lived in Orange County in my early life I did not spend much time there I was actually going to Los Angeles tall most every day starting at the age of four why do you think I was on my way to Lausanne us everyday to work I was a child actress at the age of four I got my first agent my first audition and it was a chocolate bar so the first one they fed us a chocolate bar and they wanted to see our reaction and evidently I gave a really good reaction because it was my first candy bar so I got a callback and on that callback I'm in the room with the casting director the
006director etc and the casting director runs into the room and accost my mom and says why did you bring your daughter here with chickenpox and expose all of these children and my moms like um it's not chickenpox but do I have to tell you what I think it is and she said yes my mom said I think she's allergic to chocolate I got the job they paid two men to clean my mouth the whole day long so one man would come with a cardboard box to get under my mouth I'd spit out the chocolate the other man would clean it all up so I didn't have an allergic reaction that was my entrance to quote-unquote Hollywood that was for at the age of seven I got my first television job I was on Days of
007Our Lives the soap opera for three years I would probably have still stayed on except they sent me away because my adopted mother on the show got custody of me and I supposed to come back three months later well they fired all the writers and the writers somehow forgot about Janice Wharton and I was just gone now that might not seem a big deal to you but when your whole life is wrapped up in driving an hour or two hours away from your home and going to work and when you went back to school you were that kid you really wanted to go back to work well thankfully soon thereafter I got a job on the Waltons and I was on the Waltons for a year that was in seventh grade I remember coming back
008when we were on hiatus so you shoot a show for a while and then you take a break so I come back to seventh grade we were an indoor seventh and eighth grade school and I remember it plain as day walking in in the whole school stopped turned and looked at me walking through those doors and then it was how does that feel when you're a seventh grader it feel pretty crappy it felt very alone and then they come up to you the right can I have your autograph well either way the answer is not a good one yes is I'm all that immense time yes you could have my autograph or no thank you then you're a brat and I tried both cuz I really didn't know what to do all I wanted to
009do was to get back to work but I wasn't given that opportunity for a long-term show until my senior year my senior year I left in December and I never went back until graduation just to get my diploma but let's backtrack to when I'm four years old there's a whole nother part to my story see to everyone who was watching literally worldwide they were envious of this life of this star they would stop me when I was shopping and talked to me they would take pictures with me it was all about this perfect girl in her perfect life but what they didn't know is at the age of four we met a family who seemingly also were picture-perfect husband-and-wife World War two veterans he was a pilot she was a nurse they were caring for
010their age parents within their home his mom and her parents my parents were extremely protective over me I was not allowed to go to other people's homes and hang out or spend the night at other people's house except at this house because it appeared very secure this couple was in our church he was a co-founder of a major missions organization they taught Sunday School to second graders for years so I was allowed to go there little did they know from the age of 4 to 7 on the time when I'm building my acting career he was grooming me grooming is a time when a sexual predator is trying to see if that child will trust them if their family will trust them where they try to do small things such as tickling what do most
011of us say when someone tickles us stop what do most people do keep going when stopped should mean stop people just keep doing what they want to do well I pass that test because I was told don't question adults obey your elders so I did and from three years he just needed and needed trying to see how far he goes were ultimately at least by the age of seven I have no clear beginning he sexually violated me repeatedly I know it happened by seven it could have happened earlier and it ended somewhere around 13 because I became crafty and how to protect myself or how to tell my parents oh I don't need to go over there I can and I made up excuses but I didn't tell anyone what was I gonna say first
012of all I didn't really understand what was happening to me the best escape was to enter another world I was used to that I was used to playing a role before the cameras and following directions to be someone else so I would just disappeared and with somebody else during those times its called dissociation most people when they experienced trauma they don't want to be there so they dissociate for me I took in all of the surroundings where I could tell you exactly where everything is in the room I literally just found a small Polaroid it's of my parents and myself and Polaroids are small so most of the pictures us and then I said that's that's their living room I still remember everything about that house but I couldn't explain to you what was happening
013to my body because I didn't want to I didn't have the words so I just stayed in my creative world escaping the reality of what was happening and to question an adult not an option when I'm 24 years old I'm in Brazil I'm working with street kids and I get a message says please call us and it was my former high school pastor and he I called him and his question was did anybody ever act inappropriately to you at church and my response to myself was oh crap it came out I had spent a lifetime protecting this person he actually was one of the people who supported me on that trip financially he was my parents best friend and everybody would know at home that I was one of his victims because he was huge
014in the community because of all the good works he was doing to those who were watching from the outside and everybody knew who the child actor was in the community because I lived so far from Hollywood I was the one I had no place to hide my story was out there I had no way to block people from knowing the truth again not a place you necessarily want to be where everybody knows what you didn't want anyone to know in life you have choices every single one of you in here has experienced some type of trauma and if you haven't you will that's life it may be that somebody has said hurtful things to you your story may be similar to mine where you've experienced sexual abuse physical abuse verbal abuse maybe a loved one
015has taken their life maybe someone died unexpectedly maybe your parents are waiting for that for point whatever and you're barely cutting a 3.5 and someone next to you might think get over it I'm happy if I get a CC gets degrees but that's traumatic for that person that they can't please their parents in the way they're expecting so don't judge someone else if they say this is traumatic for me it is but it's what you do with that trauma that makes the difference you can sit there and wallow and say why me in my case that gave him power he had already taken away too much away from me I was not gonna allow him to steal one more moment of my life but part of it as I was so worried about what people
016were thinking that it took a real long while for me to dig deep to the true issues that were affecting me I dove into therapy I was like okay I'm dating the guy I want to marry I'm gonna do therapy for 365 days and get married and be a great wife and ultimately a great mom let's go so got into therapy remarkably what happened is the church out at him went to the police got a lien against his home that paid for our therapy so I went to therapy was doing all the hard work I thought it was completely normal I was normal for what I had gone through but in relationships I had a lot to work on I had a lot to work to do on my inner child that wounded little girl
017that didn't have a voice what was one of the reasons I didn't have a voice and some of you probably this is normal just like it was for me you asked your parents why and they say because I said so and what did I hear is a little girl your opinion doesn't matter just be a good little girl and do what I say and don't ask why when I have the opportunity to teach parents I say take the time explain why so they're making knowledgeable decisions and they understand your reasoning behind it parents need to take more time to work it out with you so we understand their motivations but I worked through that in therapy and so much more so I finished therapy I think we're good I get married and different things pop
018up so we get back into therapy when you are working through trauma be patient with yourself it's okay if it takes time when someone's doing something of purpose it takes time the great works of art Michelangelo's work took a lot of time when someone's going to lose weight if they take it all off quick normally it comes all back but if they change their lifestyle and are patient with themselves often it stays off and it's the same when you're working on the traumatic events that you've endured when you're patient and you peel back different layers at a time the work will last because what you're looking at is 25 years of healing that's why I can stand before you and freely tell you my story that's why I can walk into rooms with police officers
019a therapist and train them on how to work with victims of crime what are healthier interventions because I've done the work on meeting and for whatever you've gone through or will go through in your future you've got to know something first you have value each one of you has incredible value but first things first you've got to buy into that I had to think to myself I am worth going to therapy once a week and interrupting life as I knew it I am worth going to woman's group once a week in that women's group there were ten of us all of the same perpetrator we could finish one another sentences you need to understand no matter what you're going through or have gone through or will go through you are not alone but remember you
020are worth the effort to work through it now I think in symbols and so you're gonna start having symbols thrown at you be ready or you might take one in the head rings are something of value yes I said be ready girl somebody sat across from me at the banquet and I I said you might not want me to sit next to you because I throw food that person is gonna really enjoy it come into the aisle come on down my way because my arms I was a dancer not a baseball player see might there we go thank you cameraman here go throw something for me catch be careful be careful it's coming towards you oh not everybody stopped hammer time oh sorry different show here please please I didn't have breakfast and ring pops
021are the breakfast of champions oh and last goes somewhere now some people took the risk and got out of their seat for something that they wanted and that's what true healing takes you have to take a risk and you've got to want it you've got to understand that inner value that inner fight because if you just sit there passively what difference can you make in your own personal life and the lives of others passive it's just gonna pass you by do you think that was Kennedy who spoke to you yesterday morning can you imagine your uncle's killed one of your close family friends is killed and then your dad is killed and all they wanted to do all three of them was to change America for the better she could have spun downward and shut
022down but she made a choice to persevere she understood her inner value so when you're walking through the market and you see a ring pop now it's not just a piece of candy it's a reminder to you that you need to say to yourself I have value I'm worth the fight and I will persevere no matter what and be patient with the process because when you think about life if I took one of those ring pops and I heaved it against that wall what would happen it would fall down it would break shatter and probably most of you have experienced that in your life where circumstances made you feel broken beyond repair and you can just look at a broken Ring Pop laying on the ground and think someone will come by and pick it
023up and throw it away or you can go back and say dang nobody's watching me do this good act okay I'll pick it up at throw it away or you can go still got the wrapper on still just as good the 10-second rule is real except for Ebola so don't send me the bill if you end up at the hospital from opening a package of broken Ring Pop the point is broken doesn't mean beyond repair it means you have to be creative with how to put it back together and there's an example in candy anybody have any ideas there's the whispers going on what is the candy where they've taken brokenness and they've put it back together I'm going to the back row so if cameras you need to follow me be ready stay in
024your seats there's a reason I'm coming to you anybody raise your hand if you have an idea what broken candy is put back together I'm coming with a mic be patient hold up Shh I'll wait because remember I have patients I've worked on years of abuse I can work on a high school room being loud I taught junior high if you know what I mean oh good wrong sorry sorry not wrong a different way in which I took it okay here we go I see girls with hand boys you're letting me down they do sorry I didn't have enough candy to put in my box they already burst my box on the airplane so no I don't have peanut brittle I tell you what you don't put it back together you just eat it like
025that I'll let that one stand on its own man nobody thinks like me in this room but who is there a blue here in here where's the blue here I want to hear your response there's a blue here where is he or she right there I hope you have an answer I'm coming to you I see you putting your hood over your head I am walking you have 10 seconds to figure out how you want to respond you you've got this you're bold enough to have blue hair like me come on think of something what's a broken candy that they put back together blue hairs of the world unite it is rock candy and if anyone in your row does not have candy take one and pass it down now think about it as they're
026getting their rock candies down that row they're gonna find that the people handling my baggage on the way here from California really are trying to break people because they shattered my candy on you know what I was gonna hand it to you tick you complained Weimaraners have no place in my world I'll call you out but you have Redemption now when you are take one pass down when you are looking at these candies you're gonna see not only did the candy makers take broken candy and melt it back together and then somebody else came along and most of them tried to break my candy again on the flight that's life now I could have looked at that box and thought to myself okay how the heck am I gonna pull off this talk because my
027books are strewn all about the bottom who plane my pop rocks oh shoot I let it out of the bag no they're not in my bag they were all over the bottom of a plane and my visual lesson of brokenness becoming home became broke again but it's another word picture just because you heal through one incident and you're whole again doesn't mean that you're done with the healing process because other things are going to come along and it's how you look at those challenges that make the difference are you gonna pout you're gonna whine we'll stop it the person who's trying to hurt you wins then and you've given them more power than they deserve somebody talks badly about you behind your back you don't think people talk badly about behind my back I'm a
02850-something with blue hair thank you but it's not about them it's the person who comes up to me and says hey I like your blue hair that's really cool and I said can I tell you about it I have a non-profit called a quarter blue which represents a quarter of children will be left blue from the trauma of sexual abuse however education and restoration are the key to prevention more often than not i watch their whole face change and they go where were you when I needed you and I say you're not alone we're still here for you if you need us because we have two sides of our work we have a trauma Recovery Center where we would work alongside of people who've experienced trauma need to know they're not alone or there in
029the judicial system which is extremely confusing and they're not alone and that we go to court with them we go to the police interviews the forensic interviews whatever it is whatever they need we are there or literally families who because mom is so depressed because her daughter was killed over a cellphone she can't go to work and needs help with her rent we are there for her and her children who are still living very often people want to know what happened to my perpetrator well do you want to know the end of the middle I'll give you both but in what order do you like chronological I hear middle more than nth so the middle was I get a phone call seven years after the police knew about it because at the time when it
030came out I was like what am I gonna say because remember I didn't remember exactly what happened to my body so the jury's gonna laugh me right off the stand but through therapy I was able to start to piece together what happened to me because of different it's called body memories there's a great book it's called the body keeps the score many people when you experience trauma your body holds on to what happened even though your brain might not be able to recall the incidents so I have different responses and I go oh okay that makes sense this must have happened and then because remember we knew of 10 other girls and some of them could complete our sentences they maybe remember things I didn't but I had the body memories that authenticated their experience
031most things that I recall are authenticated by my niece my niece is five years younger than I am and we discovered that she also as a victim of the same perpetrator we know of 86 girls who are perpetrated by this same man statistically a perpetrator whether it be male or female has 365 victims in his or her lifetime not for a moment do I want you to think that victims are females or perpetrators are male that's what people assume that that's not at all accurate I'm gonna get to my perpetrator but let me give you two stories right now we are working with a family one of a hundred families it's just come out that a man II videoed a hundred kids they actually don't even know the names of all of these kids yet
032currently there are 17 john doe's who have come forward but all the video evidence is there he's on 1.5 million dollar bail thankfully has not been able to post a man came to our door once knocked on our door I opened it and he had scratches down his face with blood dripping down his face I said did your cat attack you and he just looked at me and I go no she didn't he said yeah she said if I closed my eyes on our pillow the next morning I would have a knife in my chest what I asked him as I said did you see this in your Delta mately long down the path did you see this in your dating and he said yeah I just ignored it because I saw other good characteristics
033and I just didn't think that a woman would love me with all the qualifications I was looking for or the little boy who told us exactly what happened told the police department what happened and because it was in family court the judge forced that little boy who was four to go and live with his mom who would abuse him repeatedly the point in all this says you have a boy victim a male adult male victim and then a woman perpetrator the spectrum happens with victimization in my case the perpetrator to the best of our knowledge we are all girls so when the police called me and they said you were originally named in the case seven years ago and we're reinvestigating it and I said what we found out as my niece is one of
034his victims so you might want to talk to her because she remembers everything very clearly and she wasn't in our group so they built the case completely around her because they thought the jury might perceive that we were borrowing one and other stories but he was just a creature of habit even though we were twenty years an age difference from youngest to oldest they were moving forward he decided to have a plea agreement he was gonna plead guilty have seven years of probation and receive a sex offender card where he'd be registered as a sex offender so if you went on Megan's Law his picture would appear and people in the community could know keep your distance we're standing in the courtroom Iowa outside of the court my niece and I dressed to the nines
035wanting to show him you took nothing away from us we're holding all the power now we had our victim impact letters in her hand ready to read them to tell him exactly how he affected our lives and why he needs to pay for it and then the district attorney runs out you will never believe you'll never believe what the judge just said he went back he reviewed the evidence and he says there's no way he's accepting the plea agreement we are going to start all over we're gonna go to trial and you have those mixed emotions because you like thought this was your day where you're gonna exclamation mark done moving on and now you've just been told or going on so you regroup by the time we were approaching when they were gonna start
036the process all over again the law changed and they said that we as adult victims could not accuse someone from our childhood they change what's called the statute of limitations in my opinion the statute of limitations on sexual assault should be like murder there should not be a limit because in the right time you start to work through it and while murder has no statute the murder of innocence of a child does I believe that law should change but it changed for us and our perpetrator was never held accountable for what he did he never spent a day in jail he never was registered as a sex offender now once again I had a choice I could get angry I could get depressed I could feel like nobody believes me I mean I told them
037the truth but obviously they don't believe me cuz they're not moving forward those are all lies and I chose not to believe any of the lies I chose to believe in the truth that I've done everything that I could and I'm not going to experience earthly justice but that's okay my day of Justice happened two years ago in August when he died I cried for about 20 seconds once again I can't remember exactly where I was I was in old town orange in front of the Thai restaurant I just sat down on the bench on the phone person who called me quiet for 20 seconds but it was a cry of relief that he could no longer hurt another little girl and that could be the end of the story but it's not for I
038choose to be what we call a brat there's a point in my life I was a victim there's another point I was a survivor I was merely surviving I'm actually one of those people that really doesn't enjoy that word survivor because that just means I'm surviving and I want to do so much more than that so I worked through that survivor stage and then I became a victor I became a victor over abuse I forgave my perpetrator literally face to face because forgiveness means I release you you're no longer my problem you are not trespassing in my life anymore we are done then for me I chose to be a brat which represents boldly resolving abuse together this is not for everyone to stand up and tell their story it makes some people very uncomfortable
039but if we can uncomfortable maybe we'll develop a passion to make a difference so we stop this crime from happening blue is the ribbon for child abuse prevention why does everybody know about pink and not blue when blue affects more people 25% of people under 18 years old will experience sexual assault and that's not including other crimes the crime maybe you're watching in your home is domestic violence you need to understand that whoever is being assaulted has value and just doesn't know that they don't believe they have a voice that should be heard who is going to be the voice for the voiceless when you see something on your campus when a girl is treating a guy poorly and you know she's a psycho brought are you just gonna idly sit by or are you
040gonna stop up and say dude you need to break this off this is not healthy for you she's manipulating you please give him some space most of us don't understand truth it starts from within truth is your gut instinct and most of you dismiss it my dad's such a my mom when I was four or five years old soon after we met this man I don't like the way he kisses her well most oh you're just being overprotective because my dad wasn't an outwardly affectionate guy you're just you're just being you he's fine he's a Christian man you wouldn't my dad's got told him don't let her go there and my mom silenced the truth from within my dad because she didn't want to look like you know that type of person how many times
041are you too afraid what people are thinking that you don't do it is right and true how many times have your mom or your dad or your caregivers said hey I really don't want you dating that guy there's just something you're like mom just because you didn't date in high school doesn't mean I should date in high school he's a nice guy just let it go but honey I didn't mom your mom's got instinct is shouting to protect you and you bulldoze over her and you go anyways there's a book by Gavin de Becker it's called the gift of fear where he says fear is a healthy truthful message from within that's so many us of a silence because we're afraid to look crazy girls walking up the steps with her groceries and her internal
042gut says turn around get back in your car and drive away come back later I'm ten feet from my house turn around and go I'm ten feet from my house Jeffrey what do you think happens in her apartment she's raped in my town Halloween night five years ago a mom said to her daughter and her friends who are twins let me drive you trick-or-treating mom we're good then please just please let me drive you trick-or-treating no mom come on just relax we're just gonna go walk just can you please I would just feel better if you guys let me drove drive you please so mom thinks the girls are obeying and she walks to her car as she approaches her car she hears all three girls hit and killed by a drunk driver within weeks
043five guys and girls we're going to Knott's Berry Farm which was not scary farm for Halloween which is an amusement park in Southern California mijo which means my son an endearing term no please don't go just a I just I feel better if you stay mom we're all friends we're going we're good we're not drinking we're fine nothing's gonna happen mijo please just stay me we'll just can you just please stay mom took a catholic symbol from around his neck hand it to do his mom and said we're good mom I'm good on their way back from not scary farm their car flew up an embankment and four out of the five kids were killed because the kids did not obey the truth from within their parent all of us are guilty of that do
044you realize how much crime would be prevented if you listened to your gut or how much heartache when you see this guy or this girl and you think they're totally hot and you dismiss some of their behaviors because they're totally hot and then you start dating and you realize that person's manipulative may be abusive certainly the meaning but they look good are you understanding your value at that point absolutely not you are valuable your gut instinct is one of the greatest gifts you have and the way in which we teach that especially when we're training kids is through pop rocks what do pop rocks feel like when they touch your tongue kind of funny kind of weird sometimes difficult to explain it's exactly how gut instinct is when you feel that funny feeling and you
045don't exactly have a way to explain it you don't know what to do with it but you just endure but with your gut instinct you can't do that you have to listen to it don't break the seat I'm going to my camera people now this is what my husband does for a living so I have to let the guys and girls who work behind the camera be rewarded for their efforts guys in the booth yours are down here cuz my throw is not that good those with them do not steal them I just got one camera down front throw the empty box to you because that's all I got so when you are walking through the aisle ways of your local market and you see pop rocks ask yourself am i trusting my own gut
046instinct am i respecting my parent when they can't really explain to me why they're unsettled about something and they put a boundary in front of me the thing that most of you forget is no is a complete sentence stop is a complete sentence like we talked about with tickling earlier kids say stop and adults usually just keep on going adults need to understand that too and when they say stop to you and if you don't obey it that there are consequences same thing goes for you when you're an uncomfortable situation you tell someone to stop stop but how often is it Cabot we're friends if you really liked know if you really liked me you'd stop you'd respect my boundary but that's not the popular thing to do so what since when has doing right
047and putting up appropriate boundaries become bad could you imagine if you all decided as a school to say we're gonna spread to run another boundaries and we're gonna change things up here it's one more thing you need to change now I know your parents probably say to you quote-unquote we need to limit your screen time but the question is why I want you to close your eyes close them I need you to visualize two things because I don't have a whiteboard here but I need you to be quiet to picture the word silent and under it picture the word listen what can you see about those two words right back there gentleman in the black sweatshirt they share the same letters but in a different order see when you're on your cell phone you're not
048being silent you're chatting it up just nobody can hear you how often are you just silent like you've been for me as I'm sharing my life story with you and what I've learned and just observed and notice that someone's demeanor today is so much different than it was two days ago and maybe they just need a word of encouragement or to say hey are you cool how often do you walk by and go how are you as if I said hi because I remember my abuse is all over the news everybody knows that I'm one of his victims I'm getting my master's degree at the University someone walks by and says how are you and I said you know today's our really - she goes that's goodbye I really could have used someone to talk
049to at that moment and I was gonna be honest with my response I was having a tough day but she said I don't care they went on the second word there it was listen listen to the response of how are you don't us keep walking by you can listen to people by just watching them their body language may be screaming something maybe their folded legs maybe they're backing up when you guys are talking about a certain subject area that's triggering them are you are you okay you want to talk somewhere because you were silent and you're listening not only to the words of the people who are around you talking but to the body language of the person who obviously was triggering I challenge you start to be more silent to give room for the
050opportunity to listen so that the work that you've done on yourself has a value not only for yourself but for others my therapist ended up sharing with me that she was also a victim of sexual abuse such a gift to me it was that message of you're not alone and whether you don't know where your next meal is coming from or you don't know if your dad's ever coming back you are not alone and there is value in this moment choose to persevere and be patient possibly you have a learning disability like my daughter my daughter has a pretty severe learning disability where words run all over the page words disappear they thought she had ADHD when she was little because she was like this in her chair she was actually chasing the words because
051they were moving or she'd get up out of her chair and go sharpen the pencil because her world started to spin in her trying to read we found part of the solution as she wears colored lenses that are dark green she was in fifth grade at first they were glasses so when she switched schools in eighth grade and had these dark green glasses ever he's like whatcha - cool you gotta wear sunglasses inside stopped wearing him so her world started spinning again her grades started spiraling again all she wanted to do was be an athlete in a four-year university fast forward to her senior year in basketball and volleyball her volleyball coach in the fall would she was a setter so if you understand volleyball you're on the court in the setter is here and
052sets the ball to the outside hitters or possibly to the middle well a freshman she put her on varsity and she said what you're gonna let a freshman take your spot Bailey one day Bailey missed she was in the back row missed a ball she hit her fist on the wood she was upset that she missed it she'd get out this isn't all about you Bailey Shh okay you don't want a competitive player who's upset that she missed a ball constantly there was this berating and putting her down or when she took her outside and she goes when you give somebody a set and they hit the ball you need to say to them yeah that's right you got that hit because of my beautiful setting you can say thank you now I'm like whoa
053my daughter being in athletics is about character and if that's who you want as an athlete I'm okay if she's not playing that much for you but what did that do it limited her opportunity to be recruited to go play volleyball and achieve her dream basketball hits in the winter coach what what do I need to do your so Bailey and there were coaches waiting to come watch her play coach what do I need to work on everything I watched my daughter diminish diminish I watched myself diminish diminish the track coach sees how she is at assisting the athletic director and says come run for me MS senior because I don't care I see your work ethic I want you to come run for me just give me a day I have club volleyball I
054mean I'm looking at being I don't care just come run for me at her second meet she was recruited by a d2 ran her first cross-country meet her freshman year of college last year in conference she was third in two steeplechase because she was unwilling to listen to all the people who told her Shh you're not going to a four-year you're too dumb you're so stupid why would you think you could go to college she put in the work she defied everybody's lies because she held on to the inner truth that said I have value in spite of my learning disability but because of my learning disability I get people who struggle who nothing comes easy for so I'm gonna be an example for them and she wants to work with special ed students because
055she gets it your struggles if you work through them and understand your value and the purpose behind them have value if I did not experience the sexual abuse for over five years my impact on society would be so much less people want to focus on the fact that I was on TV it really doesn't matter focus on my journey and my tenacity to say I will not let this stop me and paralyze me do the same in your life use your hardship to work through patiently defy expectations and to reach your long-term goals the best thing I can have in an interview for therapists who come to try to work for our trauma recovery somewhere because someone who has been there I can't teach that no University can teach that life experience teaches much and
056while you might not experience abuse personally if you are silent enough to listen with your eyes and your ears you can be an amazing asset to someone who has experienced trauma no matter what that trauma is don't be passive be powerful be passionate I am so thankful you are here you've listened to so many speakers and yet you're still present I deeply hope that something has penetrated your heart in your mind that when you leave these doors today you are leaving with a new perspective and a new desire to make a difference in your own life in the life of others and don't forget when you're walking down the aisle ways and you see ring pops you have value rock candy take the time to rebuild the brokenness and you will have something sweet and
057pop rocks listen to your gut instinct to that truth obey it invade and others because we want you to be as protected as possible do you have any questions for me and I will answer any question we want to give everyone enough time who'd like to come up and meet Martha and if you'd like to have an opportunity to buy the book we want to go ahead and get started in just a minute let's give Martha Nix a wonderful yes yes how about that how about that [Applause] now hold on just a second