Coffee Hour

001e e e this is superintendent Mike Morris thank you for joining us it's Thursday the 17th of December um see the snow whipping around as the wind is going and so a very good time for um having a coffee hour again I'll introduce our guests in a minute but uh we did want to have a conversation today uh continuation of a meeting we had uh last month thinking about how to go through Co winter how to support the social mental health of of all of us uh everyone in our community and particularly around our students and so joining me today are sarin Courtney so thank you again for being here sarin Courtney they work with us through their Association the bright Center and uh they're great resources for us um to be thinking about this

002topic uh I want to not a couple things as we start just one thing to note is if there are questions or comments that come through uh you can put them in the chat feature which is the lower right hand corner should be in the lower right hand corner of the screen um and we we have some pre-selected questions things we're hearing a lot as well that we can start with uh we will be starting with Sarah and Courtney talking a bit uh more generally and then making it more interactive for the second half of the session today the other thing to note and this came up with a lot at the last section session is that uh these sessions are available to watch afterwards so if you got something from this if something you

003want to share with you know friends neighbors um this YouTube link that you're using uh will will last indefinitely For Better or Worse right um and uh and please do share it along with others but at this point I'll have sarin Courtney introduce themselves and and take us through um some of their initial thoughts and then we'll open it up for a Q&A as we go but thank you for joining us again sarin Courtney yeah thanks for having us uh hi everyone my name is Sarah rigny I'm an independently licensed clinical social worker here in Mass assetts um I work for the bright Central team uh bright stands for bridge for resilient Youth and transition and uh we are a tier three intervention supporting students returning from uh mental or medical health absence um and

004reintegrating back into school um and prior to being on the bright team I was an outpatient clinician down in Springfield Massachusetts for 10 years so this is my colleague Courtney hi I'm Coury um enjoying the weather here you have the Atlanta girl that somehow ended up in Massachusetts really interesting time to be here today um I much like my colleague I'm also a licensed uh clinical social worker um and I work with the bright program um have been doing this for a little while really enjoy working with youth um especially our students um because I say they're at the stage and point in their Journey where it's most integral to who they will become and so this is an opportunity for us to help you you all get to a place where you can help

005your your students and your children um and individuals live into the best versions of themselves that not only you can see but they can see and envision too so thank you all for having us and thank you all for joining us um and we just acknowledge that this is a time of a lot of uncertainty for everybody on the call and we're holding that uncertainty um and trying to live into the little spaces where we can where there can be some hope that the unknown won't be so unknown and that the things that have ended all of them won't have to stay done or gone there are some things that we'll be able to bring back and to bloom and bring to life so we're really GNA talk with you just how do we deal

006with this season that really feels like it's a little dark a little dreary um and it can appear at times to be a little hopeless um so Sarah I'm G let you take us away thanks um I think in particular in in checking in with schools and folks this week I'm hearing that but um something has really shifted for folks in this last week heading into uh the winter holiday break um where people are just really feeling the stress and the strain of the times in particular so I want to acknowledge that um um if that is something that really resonates with you know that you are not alone in that um a lot of other people are experiencing the same thing um anyway and I would just remind you of something that um we

007were actually talking about on our team today um and it came up in in another school meeting where it was this reminder that um you know there are there are four components to to maintaining resilience you know in the face of what we're considering a very slow moving traumatic Global event um in the form of this pandemic and those four things are really working to maintain connection with people in the safest way possible right now right which is still physically distanced um but that doesn't mean that we we shouldn't still be connected with folks that's actually a really important way to continue to stay grounded um and feel like you're not isolated and alone even if that's actually part of your instinct is to withdraw um you know staying connected is actually um a healthier

008choice um the other thing is continuing to find some way to build in some degree of predictability in your life um I've talked recently to some folks who are mentioning that even though they maintained a pretty decent schedule for for several months in the pandemic and most recently that has all started to fall apart um with the onset of winter and the change in in the daylight and also just the persistence with which the pandemic is really kind of um pushing and and putting stress on people um so going back to some Basics can be really helpful around creating predictability in your day-to-day routine um I talked to one assistant principal who just said you know when things are going really off track for me he's like I just focus on making my bed every

009day and I do that and make sure I do that one thing every day and then what I notice is usually by day like three or four I can do like one or two more things every day and then after that I I kind of find that I'm back on track right um the third thing is moderation right it's this idea that when we're under more extreme d stress right we can't keep just doing the same thing we've always done right and part of that is is because we have to be allowed to respond to the stress and that means really diverting our attention and our energy and our resources to just managing the stress um for those of you who feel excessively fatigued or that you're working even harder right now it may be

010because you're really trying to like do the exact same that you were thing you were doing a year ago just under pandemic conditions right we have to really be able to give oursel permission to step back modify redistribute um and sometimes just call it when we notice it right like I'm just really tired I need to I need a break actually right um and then the last thing about building resilience is this idea of finding agency where we can right and then really embracing it and again sometimes that requires us to go kind of super granular on what are the things that I I can control that I do have where I do have efficacy where I feel like I can I can take uh ownership of this um but we want to find those

011things and embrace them and really practice them um on a regular basis um because it's It's Not Unusual during a time like this with something like a pandemic going on that things would feel even more out of control and that that can feel destabilizing Courtney anything you want to add and as Sarah was talking one of the things that came up with me that as you begin to implement and embrace moderation one of the things is going to be really important to give yourself is self-compassion and to give it we're really good at giving compassion to others extending to them that you know what you don't have to be perfect you don't have to we understand that life can be different and you can look different and show up different every day we extend to

012them the idea that you know what your presence is what matter you be you're you being here matters but the question becomes is can we extend that same self-compassion to ourselves and by extending that compassion to ourselves can we say that my best today is going to look different than my best this time last year or even can we tell ourselves you know what I need to make sure that I stay connected with myself so one of the things is I'm not gonna always just try to push through how I'm feeling I'm gonna acknowledge it I'm not going to judge it I will acknowledge it and it's okay for me to attend to what my body is telling me in needs right now it's okay for me to live into what my spirit is telling

013me it needs it's okay for me to live into my mental needs even if it says I need a break and not feeling guilty about taking that break and so really becoming leaning into self-compassion and do being connected being kind how you speak to yourself matters what you say is what you live into so saying I am kind I am enough I am doing good enough repeating affirmations is really important and it's something that you could do you could do with your kids you could do it together stand in front and it will change the tone you can yell we are enough we got this we are doing the best that we can this is hard but we are going to be okay you can tell yourselves and say these things in your household and

014it creates a hopefulness and also making sure that you can get rid of some of the Judgment a lot of the comparison and the fixed ideas and have a mindful moment it's important in these times and sometimes that mindful moment may come from connection and creativity so finding ways to connect with others that are safe and healthy right now is important it could even be you know maybe you're connecting with those in your house and you all decide we're gonna leave a puzzle on the table and everybody's gonna take turns doing this puzzle or we're gonna knit we're gonna lean into it creativity has been shown to be a great stress reducer partly because when someone is able to tap into creativity they tap into hope because they become excited and energized about what they

015can do with what they're working on creatively versus what they can't do what they might be experiencing in their life so if it's coloring more if it's cooking if it's getting messy if it's going outside right now and getting in some of the snow and creating what you can out of it it's really allowing yourself to do those things and that's something that's really important in this time right now other thoughts Sarah well I'm I'm actually wondering if we want to pull up slide number nine and just talk about um you know it's one thing to talk about giving ourselves permission it's another thing to live into it right because sometimes part of what we can run into is is actually um you know pretty deeply embedded or socialized Norms things that we grew up

016learning being taught to Value taught to believe um and if you look over here so Courtney and I have been um talking a lot about moderation these days with schools and also talking about why it sometimes feels so hard to let go of things right um you know or to let go of some of these ideas that we grew up with right around like you know pull yourself up by your bootstraps work harder right um you know or some folks have The Stance of like well we've always done it this way so why should we change it right even in the face of something like a pandemic right and so um you know we've just been talking a lot about this idea of um letting go of some of these social norms social expectations right

017that are deeply embedded in our national psyche um are not actually um you know are are something we can actually choose to step out of right right um and um that don't actually promote really great mental health right so in the face of a lot of stress um and feeling like there is no reprieve anywhere in our lives right um being told to work harder um is is actually really detrimental to our health right and so what would it be like to let go of this idea of working harder and say what would it look like to work smarter right and instead of this mentality of more equals better right how do we switch over to a mentality of like okay we are on this steep learning curve where you know a lot of the

018learning we're doing is not necessarily academic but it's a lot of other things right it's learning to negotiate remote learning it's learning how to teach remote learning it's figuring out how to socialize in some really different ways right um can we both appreciate that and also think about when it does come to things like academics how do we think about Mastery right can we think about the quality of the learning over like just task completion that kind of thing so um you know I want to recognize that that change is never easy right um and that part of what we always come up against in in trying to enact change is really really deeply internalized beliefs that um sudden sometimes oftentimes in the face of you know really extreme stress we suddenly find they're not

019serving us very well any longer Courtney anything you would add um the things that one of the things that I want to talk about is with any time we're thinking about change we also need to make the space to think about what is ending and what is beginning right and give ourselves permission to grieve what has been lost but also give ourselves permission to be creative and think about what can we do in the future so it's okay to acknowledge this holiday is going to be really hard I'm not able to do the Traditions that I used to do but it's also okay to say you know what I feel that and it's okay for me to think about what are some new things that I can do that that that can feel as good

020for me and not just sit with what's hard and so it's almost as if allowing yourself to grieve but not allowing yourself to just get stuck in the grief that it doesn't allow you to be able to Envision what the future can be okay let me um there we go there we are um thank you so much for for those words and and sharing those slide that slide I found it really helpful for all of us um because I think you know what what I experience is that you know while our case loads are certainly case counts are certainly higher across the country as well as locally um other things you know compared to April feel more normalized and I think there's a lot of for myself and what I hear there's a lot of

021cognitive dissonance in that um and so I really appreciate the the social norms piece because I think it is is confusing for all of us about how to make sense of it and and the you know there's ironies and just suppositions abound as we think about this so I appreciate that um you know at this point we'll open it up for any comments or questions people can put that in the chat a couple came to me or things that I've been hearing about that I wanted to to start with uh Courtney and Sarah about um and the first was uh certainly something I can identify with I'm you know I'm so tired of making decisions or having to navigate daily changes feeling oh I'm not say I'm feeling angry but I'm feeling angry and overwhelmed

022that and don't always know what to do to manage things differently you know because it's it's been going on so long so in response to that uh some of that concern How would how might you responder what might advice might you offer I would start just by validating it um it was a graduate school with my a friend of mine who who first used the the phrase decision fatigue and I was like yes that is the thing I have been feeling um you know um and I and I have really come to recognize it as the pull between the things I want to do the things that I'm grieving you know like especially um the disconnect from from family and friends who you know I'm just so used to seeing and I just desperately miss

023them right which is the thing that leads me down the path of being like well maybe right like maybe if we wear a mask or we get a test or we do all these things like maybe that will make it okay right um you know and then underneath that is that fear of like okay but if I think about the worst case scenario the last thing I want to do is was ever unwittingly transmit something right and so the the tension of of like feeling like when is it okay when is it not okay is this situation different than that situation um and and then how the holidays have really U the Annie around asking ourselves questions like that because we so badly want to like have connection um has certainly been part of it

024for me and so um I know one thing I've I've wanted is like I wish somebody would almost like just tell me and be like just do this right um and in some ways um I know in order to give myself a reprieve from the fatigue of like all the decision making we've had to kind of draw our family has had to draw kind of a Line in the Sand and say and say like like we are going to air on the side of stringent you know and it means um you know taking a deep breath and acknowledging that there's there's grief in this and also that you know we don't want to be be on the other side having wished we made a different decision right and so that means also just being really

025extremely patient in waiting out some of the stress and the strain of of just kind conly having to hold um you know physical distance from people we deeply love and care about I think Mike I'm thinking about as you were talking and Sarah was sharing her information my niece who would come to me for help with homework right she'll come the first time and I'm like okay you know let's talk about what you can do okay go try that so come back it's not right Auntie give me something else and we'll talk through it and the third time she's like can you just give me the answer can you just can you just give me the answer like I this is the third time I don't want to go back and think anymore I'm overthinking

026and in that moment I would tell her okay Michaela you're still gonna have to think about it but I'll let you put it to the side for a minute because this is none urgent so we're gonna allow you to put it to the side I'll allow you to think about something else but I need you to know that we will come back to it and maybe it'll be better if you're able to look at it with fresh eyes and so when I say that sometimes when we even think about our decision-making process sometimes we feel like the stress and the pressure that we got to make this today I got to make this decision I got to decide it and is it really something that we have to take care of today or can we

027actually take a moment and breathe right just breathe if we can take temp just slow the process down then maybe it won't be so difficult to make right and sometimes it's even I tell anyone if you're struggling with the decision use the 24-hour rule wait 24 hours and come back to it right and even for those of us that like the shop I have this thing if it's still there and I come back tomorrow I'll get it right like I'm not gonna buy it right now because I don't know if I need to spend this amount of money right but even just in that it gives me a moment to think about okay what values am I going to prioritize when I make this decision what is it important to me and is this really

028something I can live with or without so sometimes the the pressure that we're feeling is from the haste and if we can just slow it down we'll be able to come to it on our own oh you're muted you're muted right you think I'd have it down by now right nine months in but um um and the next question sorry about that was um related it's uh cold it's dark very early you know little after 4 and the holidays for some families have started for other families are coming um but they won't be celebrated like they typically are um there's also you know wonderful news I got emotional little seeing the that first person New York get the vaccine uh and that video um and hopefully she knew she was going to be all over

029the news for like three days in a row uh I thought of that as well but um that That vaccine is not available in general population for quite some time um you know that people want to you know many people say they want to retreat but people don't know what that looks like and what's the best thing for them you know if they can't go back to see their larger family at this point in time um you know what is the the right way to engage and disengage I guess you know I hear that a lot I hear a lot from staff and a lot from families so just any thoughts particularly as we had this tomorrow's our last day just a little context for for us is um tomorrow's our last day and we

030have a two- week break and that was designed kind of by the school committee months ago when it was 80 degrees in warm out and we wouldn't think of snow Courtney um but uh that you know people might be traveling here in allowed time for quarantine which which seems less plausible now just because of the nature of um where we are um but I guess that you know where to retreat how to retreat whether to retreat All Those Questions seem so live especially as people are looking towards a twoe break which um will be really enjoyed by some and and perhaps not by others and we we want to be really conscious and we are you know want to thank my assistant superintendent Duan Cunningham who's really thinking through you know are there people who

031need Wellness checks that's a long amount of time uh that that won't be celebrated in the same way as typical so just any thoughts you have for for anyone in our community how to manage kind of such a different holiday season this year I think as you were talking Mike the things that came up for me was connection and creativity right and so really beginning to think about in these two weeks what's something I can look back on and feel good about that I was able to accomplish in these two weeks what's something that I can feel good about if if it's doing a puzzle if it's cleaning out something if it's connecting and doing something together with someone else in my house what's something what's a project we can Embrace so it's almost embracing

032a project mindset and saying you know what what are some projects that I've always wanted to do but that the traveling didn't allow me to for some people they're like we never had our own tree because we always traveled you know and so now would be an opportunity to think about oh what would it be like for you to make your own Traditions either with a tree with a real one a fake one or candles like what are something that you all can do and it can become a project that you can get geared toward I think the other thing when you start thinking about and I say becoming Project based is really this idea of thinking you know what maybe this is the time that we read something together everybody in the house reads

033the same thing or we take time to read it together is there a moment in this space where we can begin to craft out like what's something that my house might want to create do we want at the end of this um and then connection and really thinking about one of the things is is really shown is when I can do for others it makes me feel better about myself and so instead of thinking about what you can get think about what you can give and really in this moment in the next two weeks think about something you can do each day to help someone else feel seen and valued and connected it could be right a letter to a neighbor going and knocking on the door and asking them how they're doing it could

034be you know we got free moment let me just we can bake cookies and drop them off on people's porches you know it could be a moment of just saying and if it's not cookie you could get some popcorn people love popcorn and just leave little bags of popcorns for people but it's thinking about you know what I know what it's like not to feel connected so let me think about the ways that I can show those around me that somebody sees and hears them and that will give you purpose and it gives you a project I also want to I want to chime in about and and kind of discern the difference between retreating and withdrawing um because I I can understand for those of you who are Educators for those of you who

035have you know do work that is like heavily entails like interfacing with people like part of what you might need to do is actually Retreat a little bit um but that's really different than withdrawing you know I think about Retreat as kind of being able to take a step back being actively engaged in a quiet activity that is restorative and re energizing right like so for me that might be like in the middle of the day actually being able to read as opposed to like the 15 minutes where I start like reading the same paragraph over and over again right before bed right and so um you know and Retreats like that are actually really important sometimes in terms of of feeling really restored um and and there are a lot of people who are

036really needing that right now that feels really different than if what you notice is like I'm irritable all the time I don't want to be around people um they don't want to be around me I should just go off by myself and not bother anyone right and and that is is a really there's a really different tenor to that right and that speaks more to withdrawal um that in combination with the irritability is much more suggestive of depression depressive symptoms right which can certainly be heightened at this time of year with loss of contact uh loss of connection with family cold days short days you know um the holidays which are frankly a mixed bag for a lot of folks um if you celebrate them at this time of year and so um if you

037find yourself in the latter category of like am I am I withdrawing really more than I'm retreating um you know then I think it's it's important to to to recog recognize the difference and that's maybe where really thoughtful or intentional connection can be important um because where you don't want to end is in a place where you know you're struggling and feeling alone and disconnected in a way that where like it really impacts your mood um and that's different than kind of recuperating a little bit yeah that's really helpful and and you know if if there's there's one question I got and people again can put it in the chat anything they're wondering about but but certainly uh this is this is what I hear quite frequently from families um as a working parent I

038feel totally overwhelmed nine months into this thing with trying to work support my kids with remote learning uh and everything else um kind of reminds me of um you know when folks have a have their first child um it's not so much just the baby that's hard it's actually how do you do the laundry how do you do the dishes right it's everything else it's like the baby is great and you're spending time with the baby but you know and I think that's people are are being brought back to that time that stress level this is this is my thoughts not anyone else's but um you know it it has overtones of that feeling of overwhelm of how do you support you know the people in your care as well as do your job and

039that job could be you know a job outside the home whether they're done remotely but it also can be the job of being in the home and all the responsibilities that that parents have and caregivers have um so people are looking for Strate iies uh to get through the next month and and get to the place where it's a little lighter in the afternoon and um perhaps you know less reminders of some of these challenges because I think you know just a number of people have commented on uh and I think you touched on as well that the holidays are often a time where people do tend to get together and this year that they're going to tend not to get together and so I think it is a reminder of kind of the covid

040challenges that we have so just any thoughts for the kind of working parent overwhelm um and those concerns that we we we hear a lot about you know how to how to support those folks through the next month or two as as uh we get through the holidays and then we get to the escort and we'll find out the fun part of winter where uh it's not like oh it's snowing for the first time in a long time it's like oh it's sleeing and icing and it's February 1 right that that feeling I'm not a winter person as I said last time but I think no one loves that feeling on February 1 where it's leading in icing so uh long-winded way to say you know Working Families supporting kids virtual learning all those challenges

041uh what are some strategies they can employ to get through this winter um I actually wonder if if we can if we can bring up that other slide Mike just to offer some context here another way for people to understand like that that stress that they're experiencing so as Mike pulls that up um one of the ways we've been talking about the pandemic here in the on the central bra team is is actually Des describing it as a slow moving trauma um and and a lot of us associate trauma with um sometimes singular sometimes recurring events but of like a degree of violence um and and by violence I don't always mean physical violence but um you know the impact of it is severe right so a car crash um you know intimate partner violence

042like we think about those things and we can easily identify those as traumatic right but part of what is happening in the course of the pandemic is people are reporting overwhelm and overwhelm is you know um by definition is a state of being beset by intense emotion that is difficult to manage right and it can affect your ability to think and act rationally and when it gets really severe it can start to impact your ability to perform daily tasks right and so when we think about what people have been asked to do that parents are trying to work 40 hours a week while ensuring that their children are you know engaging in remote or hybrid learning successfully um they're also trying to maintain the home and so many people are trying to do this within

043the same square foot space that that they also just live their lives right um and so when people talk to me about like what what they're experiencing what strikes me is not only are they reporting symptoms that are actually um really consistent with an acute stress response which only happens in the face of trauma but also they're describing that overwhelm where even when you have good solid coping skills what's happening is there's this unrelenting pressure on them which is kind of just um it's making those coping skills seem less effective and so when in that place it is normal for us to become irritable to shut down to um to to try and move away from that feeling of like not being able to esap to escape the pressure and so um you know I

044think where this brings me back to is kind of really remembering what are the basics right what are the basics around maintaining resilience you know routine RIS ual connection um but then also and and this is again kind of where we Circle back to the beginning of the conversation talking about moderation right we have to recognize that we are spending so much more energy um you know and we're we're acquiring what's called allostatic load right so we're not just stressed we're stressed out which means that like our capacities are sometimes being really overwhelmed and so that creates this allostatic load where um um where we have no way to discharge what we're feeling unless we really give ourselves permission to modify what we're doing and the way we're living our lives right and that might

045mean like letting the laundry go a little bit right it might mean letting the dishes go it might mean taking some time off when you didn't expect it but what you're finding is you really need it um so there there are all these ways in which we it's really important to give ourselves permission to to pull back because again all the energy we're expending having decision fatigue trying to think through the situations trying to figure out how to support the people we love without also endangering their health like all of that takes enormous energy and it's why a lot of people are reporting just persistent fatigue at this point um so you know those are my immediate thoughts is is kind of circling back to some of the we talked about one of the things

046that's coming up in the chat for you a question that's coming up for you is what do you do if it's a 13-year-old and that it's become they're fragile they're frustrated they're angry they're volatile and you don't want to always be the person that seems like you're opposing them right you don't want to always do that way so how can you what's a way to join them as there been these experiences yeah so first of all I I totally relate I have I have seven-year-old Twins and um I live in Northampton neighboring school district and they went back hybrid uh just after Thanksgiving which was really exciting for them they were super excited and immediately the weekend after they went back hybrid um we saw behavioral regressions in both of them so one of them

047became really clingy and the other one was like having Tantrums two three four times a day um and so um so I think it's really important to recognize first of all that that behavior is totally normal under the circumstances right um and that um I think validating the behavior is really important um definitely if you're a parent if if part of how your child is expressing the frustration and anger is in ways where you know it's throwing something right where's the balance between like you know what it is totally fine that you are angry you are absolutely allowed to feel that way and you let's talk about ways you can you can share that you're angry or Express that where it doesn't involve throwing an object because that's actually not safe right so um really

048giving permission for the whole range of feelings and responses um while also offering the containment of I'm here you can talk to me um if you can't talk to me let's figure out who you can talk to um and also let's figure out the ways where you can like work out that that anger and and how that's coming out in ways that actually feels like it helps you manage it differently right where it feels satisfying I think one of the other things that might be helpful in this moment is as I'm thinking about develop age development at 13 and trying to be independent and this need to have something that they're in control of and so what can you think about that provides them with the opportunity to have some locus of control where everything

049may seem uncontrollable and they might seem like I don't have my own space anymore I don't have my own friends um I don't I don't have anything that's my own anymore and so really thinking about okay if that's the case then how might we be able to give you a space or an area of control thank you uh thanks for the good question um so um another one is um and I think we're hearing this uh quite a bit it's increasingly hard to get my kids to School in our district that pretty much exclusively means virtual or online school um that some of the fatigue is set in and and um that's becoming more challenging and that you know you know we hear a lot from families who are really struggling with their kids about

050um trying to enforce them to be attending school in a different way um that that feels different than it did two months ago just because it's it's fallen into routine and that routine is becoming more and more challenging for some families from what they communicate to us and just any thoughts on uh what they can do to help with that um it's a real battle um I I do think that the break is coming at a good time um we've kind of this last week I think things have have kind of moved into a different place for a lot of folks um you know um and the thing is like it's it's not about teach is working harder right because I have you know teachers already work really hard um and they are working so

051hard this year um and we are so you know like I know I am like so deeply appreciative of of like all the time energy and effort that teachers are putting in including like I don't know if anybody saw the recent video about teachers sticking uh stickers on their faces to try and get every time a kid will raise their hand or respond in class they'll put a sticker on their face and and kids have had have had a lot of fun with that um you know so it's not about it's not about teachers working harder um you know but it might mean you know working with your child to figure out like where are we finding balance between be between being online and doing work and doing school work um and also where are

052they where are they having breaks and are the breaks really genuine and and authentic and restorative um you know um it may mean you know for for your particular kid it could also mean um you know talking with the teacher about like you know here's what I'm noticing with my child like let's talk about how I can support them in showing up and modifications we might need to make on our end to to support them engaging when they can and also um finding balance on the other side of things I know that's really tricky but um that's certainly where my where my head goes Courtney what are your thoughts one of the things I keep thinking is really engaging them and ask them instead of saying like what is it what do you look for

053what are the things that are tolerable like I know you're not L but there's something some space something about this that's tolerable um okay now let's see if we can start with that moment and then see if we can blossom into more tolerable moments um it's also acknowledging okay well maybe we need to talk about can we craft a learning plan for you that's different or doing the break what can I give you what do we need to think about this is hard yes even as adults we get tired of sitting in front of screens right um and what and and like and like Sarah said like what can a real break look like right like if you have a break what can we do that it really looks like a break not shifting from

054looking at the computer screen to looking at the telephone or not shifting from you know but actually doing something that creates a mindful moment in that okay well well you're having a hard time with school what would it be like if I lit a candle next to you what would it be like if I put some aroma therapy on for you is it better for you to have some SM light music playing in the background like what can be calming for you that might make it a little bit easier to do what's uncomfortable and I think this is a moment that we don't want to acknowledge sometimes but on the other side of our discomfort is our learning and our growth and so even saying what can be a target for this week you know

055what you're finding it hard to be present at all your classes what if you can tell me two ways you contributed in two of your classes this week and we're gonna celebrate it you know we're gonna honor that moment you found some and you know what let's see if then we can get that to increase but being able to show and affirm the small changes will lead to bigger changes well the last question I've got um and then other people can jump in on the chat uh if if they have a question they'd like to add is you sort of addressed this earlier but one question I I've received in the last couple days is you know and we've talked around it but I think more directly is that we have a two-e break coming

056up um what are some activities that you know how are ways to for families and children who have felt uh probably alternatively too connected and then not connected at all uh right I think you know for for for many parents they're more connected in terms of the remote learning and their kids school um because you know you know many families are working from home seeing that at the same time that's not the connection that that F many families have typically had um you know what what are some some ways to kind of promote that uh family child reconnection in ways that may be more typical and more familiar uh and maybe uh kind of repairing some of the challenges that you know the last question that you know pushing students to be online in their

057classes and and those kind of different roles that that many parents and Guardians have had to play uh we've got this kind of window and how how's how to make the best time of it to support U both you know caregivers uh social emotional health as well as their children's um the first thing that came to mind was like we need to be having fun with one another right over the break um and I know in talking excuse me with some clinicians and one of my cohort uh cohorts you know people were talking all of their ideas these are folks who are working in schools you know um and I I think to the degree possible like you know uh and kind of no matter the age of your kids what would it be like

058to sit down before the break and say like how how are we going to do this together what do we all need respectively and then collectively um I love the idea of a family meeting you know to to as a starting point of connection to really like think about what the break needs to be and what and and what that can then look like right um you know I think some concrete examples that come to mind is like adults and children turning notifications off their phones right um and really saying that that some days are just sacred right and they're not going to be interrupted by work emails or other kinds of things that typically are the thing that draws away from away from our family right um you know and that doesn't mean that

059there can't be screen time but like how do we balance out screen time with um you know something where the only point is to have fun with it right and that can be watching a movie it could also be playing a game it could also be going sledding we just got two feet of snow you know like uh there's nothing like you know coming down a hill at 20 miles an hour to like you know be both scary and actually a lot of fun um and so um you know my senses is that you know people have just been working so hard um that we haven't necessarily been playing as hard and we need to we need to balance that out I would say give yourself permission to be unstructured I think you know like

060I think we've in this time in this two weeks you know what the RO the routine has been stressful and caused a lot of pressure be okay establishing a break routine you know where normally it's up I gotta get you in front of this computer by eight o'clock logged in I gotta be logged in for work everybody has this that it's okay you want to lay into to 10 lay in to 10 you want to lay into to 11 that's fine but we're even and then even within that saying but let's try to eat lunch together you know let's let's try to do that I think also in this time as much as we want to connect with each other sometimes there needs to be an acknowledgement that we might not have been having great

061boundaries with each other and it's okay to say you know what during this time I get an hour alone right I get an hour where you all everybody nobody has work to do you don't have homework assignments to ask questions about I get an hour to close the door and in this room and read or breathe or do something that I enjoy and everybody is allowed to take those opportunities so that when we come together we're not as escalated right and then thinking about the things that we do together if it's cooking if it's throwing snow at each other if it's deciding you know what we're going to play GES together so it's also resif what you do together where before it's like we do work together we we do sleep together we log in

062together it's deciding the things that we do together let's even think about what are the things that we enjoy doing together that we can actually plan for it could be doing puzzles it could be coloring you know it could be taking a moment and say you know what let's just watch a show that's gonna make all of us laugh you know parents can you show your kid it's Netflix moment I'm going to show you my favorite Christmas movie yes you're gonna watch it we're gonna sit here and you know have that moment and sharing some things that you've enjoyed with each other so it's about saying instead of sharing what we're struggling with together now let's share the things that we enjoy with each other that's great thank you thank you so much and I

063think we we're just about at time but I want to really thank sarin Courtney for being here and give us uh some words of wisdom as we head into a two we break here in the district for those of you celebrating the last night of Hanukkah I want to you know hope you had a wonderful holiday season there and for those of you who celebrate Christmas K Quanza three kings days all other holidays that are coming up um you know just wish everyone a great um you know break uh and I think the key word is break you know and you really helped us think about what that break means uh so really appreciate your time sarin Courtney and your expertise and we wish everyone the best over the next couple weeks we'll be back

064in January thank you