001good afternoon this is Mike Morris superintendent of schools here in Amherst and I want to thank everyone for coming in and tuning in to this second episode of councillors corner in today's is today's focus is parenting during times of uncertainty and certainly that promotes a lot of anxiety for families and for students for all of us actually in educators as well and today we're joined by Karen Peters and Sharon and sherry bells on oh excuse me from the high school and somewhere to the format we had last time both Karen and sherry you're gonna share some thoughts some experiences they have and an offer some tips and the second half will open it up for questions and comments so if you are a view turning in you can see on the right side you should
002be able to put comments and questions in and especially that second half we'll be able to show those on the screen and you'll be able to get some feedback from our experts here from the counseling world so thank you all for tuning in thank you very much for Karen and sherry for taking time of your busy day on a Friday afternoon we appreciate it and I'm gonna transition and start with sherry who's going to share some of our experiences and we'll get Karen on in a minute sure hi everyone I'm sherry belzoni I'm a school counselor at the high school and I'm gonna be really honest when Karen and I talked about doing this and we talked about parenting here in anxious times I was like oh I'm not so sure I'm the right person
003I have it soon to be twelve-year-old in two weeks and a 17 year old so a junior in high school so I am living this literally the same as you are I want to start by saying that everyone is doing a great job no matter how it is going whatever you are doing I am sure you are doing a great job Karen and I are here to support you we're here to brainstorm with you and we're just gonna offer you a little bit of background maybe some fine tuning and what things are going and how we'll move on from there so our focus of today is we're gonna talk about well-being connection redefining our expectations we want you to want to make sure that everyone is doing okay we want to really sort of reflect
004on how things are going and what we could change or what things are going well and share those with each they're Karen's gonna present to you the four s's and then I'm gonna talk a little bit about a fifth s that we've added in and then after that we'll give you some time for questions and answers and hopefully we can all share some of what's working really well and some of what maybe can help each other work a little bit better as we face this challenge of this really uncertain time I'm gonna turn it over to Karen now to introduce herself and talk about the four SS sorry thanks Jerry um I am really happy to be with everyone today as sherry said I'm Karen Peters I am one of the social workers at the
005high school and I run the bright transition program as we thought about what we wanted to share with all of you today we put together some of the common questions that we've been getting from parents that we've been working with and feelings that we've had ourselves as parents and some of those questions are things like if I'm feeling anxious as a parent is this contagious how am I going to am i transmitting this anxiety into my house what do I do a lot of parents are talking about feeling guilty or worried that they're not doing enough they're not present enough because they're balancing their own job or other children or other demands that they have how do I get unstuck from that some families are saying I think my kids are doing okay and should
006I be worried what what what should I be feeling if I think my my students are doing okay and then of course I think everyone is talking about how do we continue to manage these long days even with structure even with schedules how do we how do we keep keep this up so those are the questions that sort of our guiding what we thought we wanted to share with you all today and when I'm stuck when I feel overwhelmed and when I'm not sure what to do I look for and I go to the people that have grounded me and anchored me professionally or personally and professionally that one of those people has been dr. dan Siegel who is a clinical psychiatrist out of UCLA and has written tons of parenting books and books on
007interpersonal neurobiology I strongly recommend his work and I wanted to share some of the I think foundation some of a chemise done that has guided me as a parent and that I've shared with parents over the years in my practice and so these are four s's and what dr. Siegel talks about is these four s's are great in parenting they're great in relationships and they're great to work on with our relationship with ourselves and I imagine as sherry said that most of you are doing these things already and I find that in these anxious uncertain times it's really helpful to take some time take a few minutes and reflect on those things and maybe organize them a little bit better for myself as I continue to do my work of parenting and supporting families so
008I'm going to run through these four s's I'm going to highlight some of the things that I feel like are essential and important and then I'm going to turn it back over to sherry to share some other things so the first s when I share what the flores's are first to say you know it's coming so safety feeling soothed secured and seen so the first one is safety and we know that this is important always and particularly in times of distress kids need our help feeling safe psychologically this helps turn their reactive brains back to a receptive brain that can be flexible that can take in information and that can do some good reasoning so one of the ways to help promote safety in our children when they're in distress is coming to them with
009gentle loving responses when there are behaviors present I don't know about you but this is hard for me and this is hard for lots of reasons for parents it can be hard because the behaviors activate something in us perhaps that's connected to you the way we were parented or things just in our makeup that that push our buttons so doing that gentle loving responses is difficult and it's something that can help promote safety sitting with them actually getting down on their levels sitting next to them being close to them empathizing validating and if you tuned in last week and know that the counselors talked a lot about these concepts which are so critical to supporting safety and our children and this is not agreeing right this is not saying oh yeah that makes perfect sense
010you don't have to do any of those things this means that your feelings are valid they're true for you and I hear you when I'm struggling to do those gentle loving responses or empathize and validate one of the things and I'm sort of moved towards maybe being rigid or barking a bunch of orders one of the things that I like to do is just this idea of sportscasting or just narrating what I'm seeing so this might look like oh you really don't want to put your toys away and brush your teeth and get ready for bed you're really having a good time in what that does is that's connecting us that's helping to integrate their experiences with my experiences and it's giving me a little bit of time to slow myself down the last piece
011about safety is leave the teaching for later right we know that when we're activated and when our brains are reactive we're not open to hearing directions or hearing why what we did is not okay or why we should do something different right so to leave the teaching for later and really focus on the feelings we all yell and make mistakes right we all say and do things we wish we didn't and so the act actually the last piece of this is own and apologize if you react in a way that doesn't feel right doesn't feel good to you this really helps maintain connection which is what it's all about when we're able to do this with our children when we're able to say oh I killed I wish I didn't yell I was really upset
012by what happened and what we're maintaining that connection and we're helping to build resiliency okay all right so that was 50 so the next s is soothed right and we know that being soothed is one of the things we need to help slow our heart rate down and regulate our nervous system again so that we can get back on line with our thinking brain so that our emotional or sort of our fight flight freeze brain is not in control one of the things I learned from dr. Siegel is this idea he uses this hand model to teach children and parents and anybody about what the what's going on in the brain actually it's like this so with really young kids I might put a little puppet inside and talk about their little brain and then
013this is their big brain but the idea here you know this is our brain stem this part up here our cortex our thinking brain where we can engage in good reasoning and we're being thoughtful we're flexible and there are times when we are so reactive that we flip our lid and we're not doing those things and then this part of our brain the limbic system and the brainstem that control our those survival instincts that site flight freeze and our emotions are in charge this is when we're reacting big and we're not engaged with with that part of our brain and we can become more aware of our triggers and our inner our buttons and not flip our lid as much and ask for help when those things come up so I find this tool to
014be really useful I have some students that will sometimes just come down and be like I'm here I'm here and with really little kids we like I said we talked about the the little brain and the big brain and may use some some puppets but dr. Siegel has some great videos online if you're interested in learning more about that so soothing being aware of that that reactivity so that we can get back to a receptive state some things for children that can be helpful gentle touch hugging doesn't work for everybody but for some that's enough to sort of start that slowing down of their nervous system being aware of our energy is really important as we're trying to soothe another so a simple typical example might be your kid falls down right ah you fell
015oh my gosh right so what happens they escalate more they may cry more when we can come at it with a curious sort of more more balanced approach oh my goodness look you fell ah right let me see what's going on our kids are feeling that energy and we're right there with them when we need help sort of getting our energy reregulate it and sort of in a place where we can share and we can help soothe again we're helping kids get into that receptive state this is not easy to do in addition to being aware of our of when we're flipping our lid when we notice those things there's some some practical things we can do in those moments like I talked about sports casting to help slow the time down breathing I can't
016I can't skate enough the power of breathing before we react and for a lot of people the important thing here is the shift of ratio so that maybe in four four breaths hold for seven out for four so I'm just gonna practice that right now so in four four and I'm gonna hold for seven and out for four and again that's slowing down my heart rate that's increasing oxygen flow to my brain that's getting me back on line here so that I can make better decisions and how long did that take us another thing this is very simple and my daughter actually does this sometimes because I do it so often is just hand on heart hand on abdomen and there's something about this that research has shown that 98% of people find comfort in
017doing this I'm not really sure why so I might switch and then figure out which one is more comfortable for you but this is something you can do as you notice your buttons are getting pushed or that you're feeling a worried or anxious before you speak before you engage for you interact trying that for a minute this also helps us and I'd say the last part of soothing is tending to the heart before we focus on those consequences right whatever happened is valid for them tending to the heart helps keep that connection and keep us regulated before we're asking them to see our perspectives okay so we've done safety and soothing halfway through okay so the next one is seen this is the idea of feeling felt right in school we talked a lot about
018Pb Pb is a positive behavior support catching kids doing something good when I think about feeling felt and when I think about seeing I think about acknowledging kids for doing something positive or good for no reason telling them something specific that you like about them being curious about their interests acknowledging their effort or their struggle appreciating their progress in something and showing them some gratitude so this might be as simple as I love having you as a daughter I love being your mom I really and notice these interesting things you're building with your Legos can you tell me about it why did you choose this I'm curious over the past two months I can't tell you how many mud suits I have tasted over time because that's what my daughter is into right now and
019so taking a few minutes to really share that and see that and ask about it increases our connection reflecting on something that you enjoyed even if it is very small there's a Verret there's a lot of power and that for four kids yesterday I really enjoyed sitting with you all we both read a book together it was really fun for me or I loved playing cards with you or thank you so much for helping me set the table yesterday so those are some ways that we can help our our kids feel seen okay and the last one is secure and dr. Siegel talks about that these first 3 s's really help strengthen the Sept of secure attachment and it also helps us provide a roadmap for when we do good enough right we're not asked
020we're not looking for perfection we're looking for presents we're doing the best we can with what we've got and we know that there are going to be ruptures we know that we're going to struggle we know we're going to have opportunities to repair with our kids that's the beauty of relationships and I think that every repair we make helps helps that strengthen so secure so some things to sort of boost the security is being present for things that matter again my the taste testing of the of the mud soup being present when for the tenth time and when afternoon I might want to do something else that really helps in those moments these days are looking very different from us than regular days we're not going to sporting events we're not going to school events
021we're not doing other things so finding ways to be present in things that matter for our kids connecting with them and on in non-distracted ways again right now and sherry is going to talk more about this in a few minutes this is really hard our lives are becoming virtual or were connected in ways that can that were plugged in a lot of times so finding a few minutes every day to be unplugged together really increases the again this concept of repairing in times that have been tough in in being confident enough that saying that you've made a mistake or that you're unsure about something can really help strengthen that your relationship creating rituals and sherry is going to talk a little bit a little bit more about about that so these four s's I feel
022like have such an important place as we're navigating our way through these anxious uncertain times when we don't have answers as to when we're going to be back together in school or with our families or when it's going to be safe enough to do things that we used to do when we don't have these answers these these are some tools that hopefully can help you maintain that that can now and respond to things that might be popping up in your children and in yourself so with that I'm gonna turn it back to sherry that was awesome so I'm gonna talk about what Karen and I are calling the fifth s and I'm with that structure and I'm actually gonna start by telling you an anecdote of my own house so when we came home on
023March 13th and we thought we were gonna be out for two weeks I'm a person who lives by a calendar I'm I'm very time management my daughter who's gonna be 12 very shortly is very much like me and I made two very clear daily schedules for both of my children by Tuesday of the first week my daughter was living by the schedule 8 o'clock gonna do reading 9 o'clock go outside it worked by about noon on Tuesday my 17 year olds was like this does not work for me mom it's not working I can't do this please don't make me ever follow your crazy schedule again so that sort of paused me it kind of made me stop because I thought wow everybody needs structure and then I realized that the structure he needed was
024not exactly the structure that I thought he needed or that I needed so s is our fifth s is structure and I think that the key part about what we're gonna say about structure is it needs to be flexible and what the structure even within your own house it may need to be a little different for every person and and that's okay it's really important that you stop and have those conversations so we've all heard the phrase we're all living through the same storm but we're all in different boats and I think that's true for every family in every house and somewhat very much also true for every person within that family in house there's a great article that has really guided I'm sure many of you have seen it maybe not I'll talk about
025it that has guided a lot of counselors who are doing distance learning counseling and it's called that your job is to arrive article and in the article a man who travels regularly for work and will get on an airplane and work on his laptop for hours was traveling home with his family at a young infant child and was a rough plane ride if anybody's traveled with a young child they know what those can be like and he walked into work the next day and said to a colleague I'm really sorry I didn't get anything done on the plane ride home and the colleague said to him you're a parent of a young child right now your job is to arrive that's your goal your goal your end goal is to arrive and you arrived you
026arrived safely you all a ride in one piece and it's okay and the article related to the pandemic and it said that all of us youth children teachers parents guardians anybody every every citizen our goal is to arrive at the end of this pandemic however we can and it's not to be perfect it's not to do every Pinterest craft that we all think we're gonna do it's not to you know if we can do those great but it's okay our job is to arrive I have a very good friend who has five children under the age of nine she is always has been in my opinion a supermom she's amazing and about three weeks ago she just called me and said my daughter my daughter handed in a paper that had a coffee stain on
027it and she took a picture of it and I was so embarrassed and I said we have to be willing to realize that right now good enough is enough and and we have to it's really hard especially for parents to accept sometimes that good enough is enough and I've had to stop myself several times as a parent with my own children and be like this is this is good enough good enough is the best right now and and that's what we're living through I think one suggestion that we have for you is and Karen alluded to a little bit if you would ask people ten weeks ago we were living on screens ten weeks ago and we thought screen time was huge and it was being overused and there was way too much screen time
028and I think if you ask somebody now we'd be like happy with the screen time that we were using ten weeks ago because literally life is happening by a screen school is happening by a screen work is happening by a screen sometimes parents who are trying to work or putting a two-year-old to watch a movie screen time is huge right now so I we really feel like it's important for just a very short time every day whether it be as a family or individually unplug unplug for at least 10 minutes a day connect check in and be willing to be vulnerable with your children I found that we had a huge breakthrough in my house when about a week into it my husband and I said oh my god this is so hard we're losing
029it and my teenage son was like what and we were like yeah this is really hard it's the hardest thing we've ever done we can't manage this this feels really hard and he was like wow you guys were making dinner and doing laundry and making mom's crazy schedules and all of those things and he said I didn't realize this was hard for you I thought it was only hard for me so I think sometimes allowing yourself to be vulnerable and I'm not saying put your problems on your children that is certainly not where we would recommend at all but to say to them this is hard or I'm having a hard time or I could use some help with this can someone help me sometimes allows them to feel a little more open and be
030able to verbalize their own feelings a little more than they have been able to in the past we also suggest that you find ways to let them help whether that be you know they're helping to cook dinner or they're helping to load the dishwasher or set the table or they're doing something simple as this was a neighbor and it was fabulous about four days ago this paper airplane came flying in our yard and I was like what is that and the neighbor confessed to me that she had to do work and just gave her daughter a task and told her daughter to make paper airplanes and send them in all the neighbors yards to let them know they were thinking of us and it was a very simple easy way for her to feel like
031she helped and when we all stood there and received the paper airplanes she just was like I made a difference and she's a little bit and it was really exciting so children need to feel like they are helpful and they have a place especially teenagers teenagers can help with sixth grade math that I'm not doing so well with teenagers can help with lots of those things but it's important to be vulnerable it's important to let them know and it's important that we all arrived and just arrived at the end of this and I have lots more that I could say but we really want to allow time for questions so I'm gonna turn it back to the bat and that might take over great thank you so much and thank you for the great advice
032and and the tips that I know many families are looking for in this time so you know for those of you who are on on the live stream you certainly can type in questions a couple parents had emailed me questions parents guardians of email me questions beforehand because they weren't able to make it so I think maybe I'll start with one of those and that may in general people so this one said my child continues to express worry about their health and the health of our family what can I do to help them with that concern mm-hmm Karen yeah yeah yeah so um I feel like I've heard this a lot from from parents and what I would say going back to the 4s is is I would be curious and present asking them questions
033about maybe where that's coming from invalidate those concerns that kids have you're really worried about about whoever in the family you're really worried about these things tell me more about that and I think being honest about we don't have answers as to things like vaccines or things like when like I said we're going to be able to be together with those people but sitting with that uncertainty is really a powerful way to help maintain presence and help kids understand that you're listening so I think a lot of the a lot of these questions aren't going to have answers and the important the important thing is that you're asking more about what that's like for them would tell me more about your worries I want to hear that I want to understand that a little bit
034more sitting with them taking that time to be present and not brushing it off everything's gonna be fine we're gonna figure it out saying things like I had a parent the other day talking about this because someone in their family is ill and she felt like she did wanna burden the kid don't worry about it we'll we'll handle it and then relay you know what I really you were really worried about that I need to to sit with you and talk through those worries and she went back did that repair and I think feels like the kid is much more comfortable asking more questions they also I think depending on the ages this was an upper elementary age kid they did some research some age-appropriate research to get some questions answered and those kind of
035things were really helpful for the child yeah and if I could piggyback off a Karen the other thing that I think is really important for them to hear and I had a similar situation with a student a mother who was asking me about her younger child one thing that's really important for them to hear is I don't have all the answers but we're in this together and I'm gonna do my best to ensure your safety and we'll work together to to try to figure that out I think that they need to hear that I'm there for you well thank you another question that came in to me by email was my child is very concerned about you know actually multiple ones of these but some version of it is about being ready for the next
036grade level some at the K to 8 level it's often framed as in next grade level at the high school level the ones that have gotten have been very much about thinking how it's going to affect their postgraduate plans and I'm you know sherry smiling because I think she's living that right now from what I understood so just thinking about the anxiety that students are having because they're thinking forward to fall and then maybe beyond and and how to manage that so what one thing I've been reassuring my high school students and my high school student that I'm living with who will be as a rising senior is that this is an uncertain time and in terms of post graduate plans colleges this is uncertain for them to and they are working as hard as
037we are to make to ensure that students will be on track and with whatever they need in terms of being ready for the next year and I've heard this from high schoolers and from elementary school parents what I say is that we're all aware of it there is gonna have to be some there's gonna have to be backtracking this is not going to be a we're gonna start September and start multiplication in third grade because we still need to finish a little bit of you know what was missed and teachers know that and I so trust the educators in our district and in the world what a great time is teacher appreciation week so I'm so glad I could say that I so trust the educators that when we go back to school however that
038looks their first priority is gonna be how are you and are you okay and their next priority is gonna be okay where are you at and what do we need to do to try to recover from whatever gaps were lost I've reassured every student that I've talked to at the high school that the teachers are aware there is going to be no complete concede notion that they're ready to start calculus without having finished precalculus and that it's something we're all working on and that's a hard thing to explain to them but I do think that reassurance of you're right it's scary and it's scary for the teachers too but we're all in this we're gonna work it's on our mind and we're gonna make sure it's happening for you so I saw a couple other
039questions come in here's one how do I help my children with the trauma and loss and worried that they don't necessarily express what I do I just wait till it comes up yeah I did try to look so I this is such a great question and I think that parent as adults we are often keyed into what we think might were worried about what we might be worried about later right or we think are you gonna have these reactions I think what I've said to families is finding non stressful times to bring up some of these topics and to see things like you know what I'm I'm wondering if there's anything you want to talk about this is a really uncertain confusing time and I know that a lot of kids your age are feeling
040sad or scared or worried and sometimes that means they might stay in their room all day or sometimes that might mean they think that everything's cool I'm wondering if you've had any of those experiences or have you had any of those feelings so I would be curious about about this with them and I would try to bring this up at a time that is not stressful just to engage a conversation and one of the ways I like to do that as I was just saying is saying to kids a lot of kids a lot of people have type of symptoms I wonder if any of those things are true for you can you tell me about what this is like for you so getting their perspective before we sort of decide what we think it
041might be and I think this is a little bit related to the question that we got from a lot of parents about my kids doing okay should I be worried I'm having this traumatic response that they're not sharing with me so into that I would say we are in a passage right we are in the middle of this we don't eat we don't know the endpoint we don't know what's gonna happen so although we've got is the good data we know as parents as to what our kid typically does and we also know the things that happen for them in times of distress so we're gonna use that knowledge and we're gonna lean on our relationships using those four s's and other tools to sort of continue to ask our kids questions and and have
042those conversations with them can I just add one piece yeah but I I wish I had said before and I forgot I apologize we often we know the studies have shown that especially from about the age of 10 up pre-adolescence adolescents that sometimes looking people in the eye and talking to them is really hard right so we've all heard the old adage of take a car ride and have them sit next to you because if they don't have to look at you they don't it's easier sometimes to express their feelings and I actually have suggested to a few parents instead of a car talk I've suggested right now what I call a walk talk because if you're walking next to each other and you're focusing on walking and they still don't have to make that
043direct eye contact I know eye contact is really important and it's really great but for adolescence 10 to 18 that's really hard to do sometimes so sometimes that walked I found with my two children when I see either of them getting really stressed during this time I'll be like I'm gonna go for a walk you want to come with me and they say no and I sort of coerce them and by the end of the walk you know we've gotten to some of the heart of what's going on so I love what Karen said and I love the questions but especially if you're working with that age group think about that car talk walk talk model if they're not looking at you directly in the eye when you're sitting on their bed trying to have
044that conversation that's the West Wing right that yeah a guard dog laying in the walk and talks yeah all right the next question we have and I know this is one that I'm hearing for many days and I know you addressed it a bit in the in the earlier segment but I think it's worth maybe looking in more acutely and having four children sit in front of computers all day is seriously disheartening and I would include that many of us as adults who are also sitting in front of computers along with their children knowing that they're grieving the loss is worrying about being on track so any thought you have in terms of supporting families with that very real concern it is disheartening it's hard and I think validating that it's disheartening I agree with
045you Lynne um I always try to wish my students happy birthday and I've had to do it by email and I feel like I'm missing out like by giving them that actual in person so I it is disheartening I understand and they are grieving losses and I think that right now those are all real feelings and they are they should they are allowed to have them we need to validate them as Karen said but I would I think reassurance is as important of especially about the being on track because I know I'm hearing that every day from the high schoolers I'm so worried I'm gonna be behind next year the reassurance as as hard as it is for them to hear and just continually reassuring because at some point that continual reassurance will be like
046oh okay they've said this every day and my teachers are saying it and my guidance counselor's saying it and my parents are saying it at some point that reassurance will start but it is the loss and I think they are grieving and I think we're all grieving the loss I just it's hard to say there's really no answer for that yeah I think oh I'm sorry if I was gonna jump in I just think in terms of the computer piece to just trying to find ways that our scheduled breaks to be outside they may I know it's supposedly gonna snow tonight and live in New England and it's May and but at some point and we had a lot of this last weekend it some days this week like this morning and today just making
047sure that as a family you can get outside and what activity looks like it could be taking a walk it could be playing a game I think it's really important it's when you're inside and the screens are everywhere even if you're saying okay we're gonna take a screen blank at least in my family it's hard to actually do that for me as well as my kids and other family members who live with us who are with us so you know I do think having routines around that it's just a little easier to enforce the no screen I find it's it's easier to to actually implement a no screens piece when we're outside versus in the house but saying there's not screen today it just there for my family anyway that just say that that works
048much better yeah and I would just say um you know um you know I'm a school therapist but I I want to say that you as parents trust yourself to know best that were we support you as the school folks we want you to be and we want the kids to be engaged in work we want them to participate in the Google needs if that is meaningful for them but trust your gut as a parent if it's too much on one given day we support you in that because your health and well-being as a family and how you navigate these things over time is much more important than that one day getting that piece done and if you're struggling with that reach out to the counselor for your school or your teacher and I guarantee
049you're gonna be met with a very warm curious response about how to make make this work for you for you I can take some of this one how do you have structure for example if English class met every day at zum at 10:00 a.m. would be something to plan around has this been considered so I think in last week's a week ago as newsletter I wrote a bit about this that I think it's actually a microcosm of a larger phenomenon which is there's been no point in my 19 years as an educator where families wanted such disparate things from schools as there is right now so we have families who absolutely are interested in more synchronous learning and then we have families who are having stress at every age group who are struggling to get
050their children onto synchronous learning the recommendation from the state was to use synchronous learning you know like Google meets for generally for class meeting small group at the elementary level the last two weeks in our newsletter we've included a daily planner to go along with what goes home to try to help families develop some structure because we heard from a lot of families particularly at the elementary level that having a weekly set of activities - and choices wasn't enough to provide that structure so you know it is an editable document so families can put more math and or more literacy but it's a way to have some structure you know along with what comes home but I think it is a challenge around structure and then if we have days like where it's 75 degrees
051you're gonna maybe adjust that structure depending on the age of your kids because you're gonna go outside and and and hopefully you know do all the things that we just spoke about for the last questions you know certainly you could take a look at the last newsletter for more information about you know synchronous versus asynchronous and and also to see some ways that we're trying to provide structure for for students and families to make it easier for everybody I think this one had an answer but I'm just going to put it up which is about curriculum expectations I think you did speak about that and I just want to put up the response that mrs. Moreland did which is that a families do need tech support for their students device they can submit a request
052by filling out that form you can also be in touch with the principal of your school who can help you with that if that form or getting on that if the connectivity problems aren't letting you get on that form get in touch with the principal and before many examples where the principal's video able to connect a family to with our is Department to try to help with that we do also still have a hotspot program we've given out dozens of hot spots but if there is if there are connectivity issues to the point where people need a mobile hotspot we certainly have more and we more than happy to provide them we watch families not to have this as an extra burden for them too getting online in this environment okay here we go my
053high school kids are anxious about getting credits and dealing with the volume of work which they are doing what can I tell them besides it's going to be fine so I would say this goes back to that validating and being seen I think that our we want as parents more than anything else to make everything okay for our kids for ourselves for our family and for our world right now and we can't do it we can't do it all by ourselves and so what I would really encourage you to do as hard as this is sometimes is is to resist the urge to say it's all gonna be fine in that moment and say this is really hard for you you're having a really tough time right now I want to tell me more about
054it we'll get you'll get to we're gonna get what we're gonna do it it's gonna be fine but before you do that reassurance and before you say that let them sit with you and express that because you're gonna learn a little bit more about how their system process is being anxious which is going to be a lifelong relationship that they have that we want to help build their tools for so that they don't flip their lid every time something comes their way that feels overwhelming so take a minute get present get grounded if you need to and and be curious about about those things as a school counselor and I'm sorry Karen because I see a couple of questions sort of similar like it in the queue if the workload is really feeling too much
055good points please have your child or you as a parent reach out to the teacher and/or the counselor because mike has reassured us numerous times the do-e has said it I as a parent just reached out to my own child's teacher and said I don't think he's supposed to be sending 12 hours on this one assignment am i correct and the teacher was like no it should have been done in 45 minutes let's figure out how we can make that happen for him so I think that the other thing is in a way for your children to feel heard is to say let's send an email to get this sounds like it's a little bit more than we thought it was gonna be let's see if we can talk to the teacher and the guidance
056counselor and come up with a plan the teachers are being incredibly flexible they want to be flexible they do not want your children sitting in an assignment for 12 hours so if it is if the volume of work is feeling that heavy please please please reach out to us yeah I think that the next one's done is similar it's not the same but on a similar theme which is actually allowed having a hard time balancing our expectations that our teens participate in school with compassion about how hard it is to stay engaged when you're in your bedroom with a Chromebook I think sorry exactly right there's no right balance right so if anyone says they've got the balance right I really have a lot of questions for them and they can take that on the
057road because yeah lots of people will be curious about that I think the thing I want to say around multiple of these questions around this theme that we're actively starting and actually staff got an email about this earlier today to be thinking about fall and what that looks like both in an academic and a social emotional way the one thing I can guarantee before we even do the work of what its Pacific aliy looks like it's not going to look like a typical fall and I'm not talking about the physical distancing components and all those in kind of public health pieces purely from an academic and social/emotional perspective we're gonna be aware that students won't have been in school for five and a half months and adults won't have been in school for five and
058a half months and it's gonna mean that we're not going to start math on day one lesson one like we typically did and we're gonna have to rebuild our community you know for me I always try to think of challenges as adaptive so not just the technical parts of where do we start but what do we learn during this time about ourselves about our school about our community and how do we use it an opportunity to be more inclusive and kind of find some strengths that maybe we didn't even know we had because they were sort of you know sometimes when you're in you're in the habit of doing the job you've done for a while right it can be eye-opening to everyone's job has changed in this world right now and educators are no
059difference please know that that will be actively working and thinking I think by the end of June we'll have some guiding principles that we'll be sharing out with the larger community both in the academic front the social-emotional front as it relates to technology because it was a number of questions about that as well as some of the operations that we'll need to be thinking about for fall and they'll be opportunities like this one it's actually weigh in on guiding principles so as we're developing plans in the summer for it fall looks like every community member every stakeholder to have an opportunity to weigh in to give an opinion because what we need to have is to make sure we're doing the public health pieces of course but also the public confidence that we're ready both
060from a safety perspective you know physical safety perspective but also from an academic and emotional safety perspective to welcome all students back so sometimes I think you know the concerns very legitimately or you know what's gonna happen my student gets the X grade-level x-squared levels gonna look different you know all the research I'm seeing is predicting you know see no matter what schools have done and you know some schools I'm very proud of the work we've done here there's going to be a difference in what students are coming in with next fall both again academically and emotionally and in this district are sensitive educators are going to think through both of those and come up with plans to make sure students students feel welcomed and not stressed by their return so if that helps some
061families who are feeling like that that balance of trying to distance learning and and then the compassion piece you know if you had to err err err on the side of compassion you know and certainly as an educator I want students engaged in work but I think like like our folks said before our counselors you know your children and you're gonna know where that line is where you have to say you know at this point the most important thing is the most important thing in them and that may not be getting this particular assignment done and you know I think this is a unique time to where educators aren't getting the same windows into students as we typically do because even this format we're using now doesn't give the same window as having students in
062class in counselors offices and so you know it's really that gap is really challenging for the educator student connection so you know trust your instincts as a parent and you know hopefully that's helpful feedback but I want to make sure that everyone no one thinks where it's gonna pretend this didn't happen and you know September 2nd will roll along and everything's just going to be as it was last first day of school that that's not going to be the case this year see there's a question will students get a final report card or other evaluations so at the high school level students are being assessed from a credit no credit perspective but not a report card or grades in a more typical way at the KT level this is actually something that was talking about
063earlier today with some colleagues and with some teachers we're trying to think of figure out a way that we can share feedback in a general context but we don't want students doing work at any level but particularly focused on K to 8 at the moment for to get a report card or get a grade because that's not consistent with the state guidance not consistent we think is appropriate in this context it's really to keep the continuation of learning that's our focus and not the assessment grade when students come back both academically and social-emotional e we're gonna have to figure out how do we assess where they are what their needs are and how do we support them in that way so we are still working out details about that but you know in terms of
064like grades that students would typically receive it in the school year that I can say we're we're actively not going to do I think there was one more question that got emailed to me we might have time for one more if that's okay Sharon and I'm concerned that my child does not look to be engaging with friends online and seems distant in ways that I have not seen before yeah and I'm hearing that a lot and someone emailed me that and I just think it was just if you could weigh in on that I mean it's sort of related in some ways to one of the questions that towards the beginning but yeah but I'd love to hear your two cents and whatever I should offer that family Karen you go first so this is
065on under non typical times right like and so for for many students this is not the preferred way of interacting we miss so much of social cues and connection and all of these things that are that are not present for us on a daily basis that we're used to getting that that input from each other and so I think that there's a kids that I've talked to you that are finding it exhausting to be facetiming or being online with their friends because they either have to show up and perform that there is in a certain sort of place and that like brings them all sorts of feelings of I don't feel very good I don't want to do my hair I don't want to get out or I have to sort of perform in a
066way so I think that as parents again the opportunities to be curious with our kids about their experiences with friends ask about them normal or validate the that this is not typical this is not how we as social beings or creatures are sort of wired to be interacting with each other and that this makes a lot of sense that some people are really struggling with it and I and I think then using your your your good knowledge about who your kid is and what kind of things might be meaningful for them might be the next the next way to start so for example one of my students who is we were just having this conversation earlier this morning we talked about one thing that she used to like to do a long time ago was
067write letters to people and that she hadn't done that in a very long time that for her was a familiar thing that she felt like oh this might be fun so it's not us it's not solving the problem it's not it's not addressing all of the things but it's finding a reconnection with something that used to bring her some meaning and I think you find those things out from your children by having these conversations with them and I think the other thing I would say is enlist the support of other people who know your kids really well so this could be cousins aunts and uncles or your school counselor or their favorite teacher and get their perspective because as parents we know our kids in one particular way or maybe lots of ways but there
068are a lot of people in there that have a relationship with them that might shed some light on ways that you can support them with connecting yeah and if I could just add one piece to that that I talked through with a parent just earlier this week gauge your child's because this particular parent said to me my my daughter is not really connecting with anybody and I said well how does she seem and she said she actually seems okay she's happy we're going for a walk she's going outside she's doing her thing she said but when I say to her why aren't you really connecting with your friends she said like Karen did she said it's just too much work right now like it she said I'm working so hard to do distance learning and
069adapt to this new environment that it's too much work I know my friends are there when I need them but right now I'm okay and that's what I need to be so I think that's an important piece too is that sometimes we check in with them and see if they are okay with it because some of them really may be that they're working so hard to learn this new normal that we're living that they are trusting their old normal is still okay and putting their energy into the new one I'll do one more question briefly I know we're a little over time but I think it's a good one that's certainly going to come up so normal summers are a chance to get a break from school we've already had plenty of break do you
070have suggestions for summer as it seems like many activities won't happen so my understanding in the next week or two is that we anticipate the governor making some announcement about summer activities and and getting a sense of that you know I think my own I know we are planning starting to plan at the elementary level some you know at least some resources and some things we could provide for families as options or opportunities and I know at the high school we are as well have been in conversation with principal Jones who has some thoughts I don't know if either of you had things that you'd want to add to that as well sure I'm looking at you because I'm gonna ask and I guess from this one I'm gonna go out of being a counselor
071and into being a parent because I have two children one of whom is a competitive dancer and one of them is a huge athlete both of them have grieved the loss of their spring seasons and both are really apprehensive about what summer's gonna be like is there gonna be summer soccers they're gonna be summer dance are those things gonna be there for them and we've actually just this week had a lot of conversations around those in which we've committed to well maybe there won't be summer soccer where you won't play a game but dad used to coach you and he's willing to go to the field with you once every three days and have that own creative summer soccer training and yes maybe you're not gonna have dance in the studio but we found these
072great online programs and we'll figure out something like that so I wish I'd hi Deb I wish I could see you I wish I had better answers but I I think it may be that it's gonna be creative again and unfortunately I feel like this is testing a lot of our parent creative juices I'm sure everybody in the group is feeling that and I think that you're right but they but I also think it is time to take a break and the one thing I would encourage and I echo what Mike said is once school is done on June 18 um let's try to even more or less in the screen time like like really that break from the screen is gonna be so important because there's so many things that hopefully will be open
073that we can do safely that I think it's just going to be creative but I would say that would be my suggestion and hopefully we'll get some really great ideas from the professionals because I'm waiting for him yeah okay go ahead we'll just say one other thing I think this is another great opportunity to enlist your kids in being a part of the solution and so I have a family that we were talking about this last week and they they've instituted these family meetings which sound like a lot of fun and very chaotic and you know there's some pomp and circumstance that it's funny but one of the things that they said was this was an agenda item and that everybody in the family was going to sort of bring some ideas to the table
074around what we can do to make our summer really meaningful so don't underestimate what your kids might come up with because it might be things that you know we as grown-ups might might not and I think just to close I want to pick you back on something sherry said which is also trying to think think of interest based activities like you typically would in the summer yeah and even if camps and some of those things might not might not happen I guess I'm optimistic or hopeful that there may be some relaxing and there may be an ability to have a little more in person socialization than what we currently have obviously that's up to the governor and the public health experts but even if we're the recommendations aren't for large-scale camps and things that both
075Karen and sherry talked about things may open up a little bit or open up enough where some of those constraints are relaxed and even though the parent parent Guardians may have to be a little more involved than they would normally be as sherry said about the soccer you know maybe the soccer team doesn't practice but maybe it's possible in the summer where groups of three or six kids or something can can simulate something like that and obviously we have to wait and see on that but I think the interest piece for summer is important because even if it doesn't look like you know I grew that point even if it doesn't look like students need a break I think many students do need a break and their parents need a break too and sometimes that's
076and therein lies the challenge from that but I think thinking of fun interest based activities would be really important for students and families to be able to do together in the summer in a way that with distance learning and other things it may be harder to pull off and then we went up snow forecasts you get to summer you know we haven't been early mid May but that'll be done at that point on that note I really want to thank sherry and Karen thank you so much for your presentation collaboration and also answering the questions thanks everyone the viewers who weighed in and will be emailing this out in next week's Friday update as well for people the link that was sent a couple times is live so people if they want to go back
077and replay it or share that link with other people couldn't make it you don't have to know a special link the same link will continue to work and they'll still be housed on our on our Arps YouTube network and channel but thanks again sherry Ann Keim i really appreciate and have a wonderful man take care