001from of public schools tonight our presenter liby schaer from K BR program and she's going to be presenting my self advocacy okay hello good evening everyone my name is liby um for anyone who has not met me before um I am am from the Katie Brown educational program which is a program we have here in all of our Fall River Public Schools so today we are going to be talking about self advocacy so starting with kind of a basic overview self advocacy means standing up for yourself knowing yourself so identifying your own personal boundaries wants needs prioritizing yourself so choosing to make yourself the priority communicating once I know what I need communicating to others what I need finding ways to solve problems and identifying both people and resources that can help so when we
002talk about knowing yourself that looks like asking yourself what you need what you want what your goals are what your boundaries are what do you need in order to feel safe and comfortable we're going to talk about knowing your rights in different environments at work um with your children what am I entitled to what are my rights well we're going to talk about identifying resour ources and how we can communicate our needs effectively so why is it important to self Advocate you deserve to be a priority you deserve to put yourself and what you need first you are the expert on yourself so you know better than anyone else what you need you also have your own best interest in mind and other people may not um if you are at work and you need
003a different schedule to pick up your kids um you know that your boss your co-workers might not be aw of that um and we always say that self advocacy is contagious so when you prioritize yourself when you communicate your needs you encourage everyone around you to do the same thing so we're going to talk about best approaches for communicating what we so assertive communication which is where we want to be it's not passive it's not aggressive assertive communication has four main steps so up here number one we explain what we need we explain our boundary so for example I'd appreciate it if you'd give me a copy of this document in my language after we explain what we need we want to give a reason because this helps people understand why we need what we
004need um and makes them more likely to support us or help us so saying I feel uncomfortable signing something that I can't read or understand now when we set a boundary or Express a need um we need it to have power because if I just say don't do this to me to someone there I can't create a force field between me and that person I can't stop them from doing it so we recommend to set a consequence in your control for example if I don't have a copy in my first language I will not be signing that today and then finally we like to recommend thanking the person we we are talking to in advance before they even help us this is not just to be polite this actually communicates to the other person I
005expect that you will honor my boundary I expect that you will give me the help I need so of course when we advocate for ourselves we advocate in lots of different situations so we are going to look at a scale of advocacy when I was first talking about self advocacy with my students and I was talking about the scale about how sometimes we need to be very firm with our boundaries and sometimes we can be mild with our boundaries my students said oh that's like the Taco Bell hot sauce so my student actually helped me create this scale where we look at our boundaries almost like levels of hot sauuce a mild boundary is an assertive boundary with extra kindness a medium boundary is just a regular boundary and a fire boundary is when we
006make extra effort to be firm so we will go over this a little more with a mild boundary I am making extra effort to be kind or polite to the person I am speaking to this type of boundary and self- advocacy is designed to make the other person feel as good about this conversation as possible this is good to use in many situations um to address honest mistakes if you believe the person who is not helping you um just doesn't understand or people you want a good relationship with like maybe a boss or a roommate or people you feel nervous or unsafe talking to so an example of to Med first actually a medium is when you simply State the boundary there is no extra effort to be kind there is no extra effort to
007be really firm this is good to use when your priority is being as clear as possible and then my students call this one the fire balance that is when we make an extra effort to be firm fire boundaries are designed to show the other person they have seriously crossed a line or to show the other person that they have ignored a very important need of yours this is good to use when someone is being disrespectful crossing boundaries repeatedly ignoring something you need or this person is not someone you want around so if we look at an example of all three if I am telling someone I do not want want to come over a mild boundary I would say oh thanks for the invite I won't be able to go though since I have so
008much work to do maybe next weekend I would keep my voice positive friendly extra effort to be kind medium boundary I just the boundary I'm going to stay home and get my work done tonight have fun a fire boundary I might use if someone continues to ask me over and over again I'm starting to feel uncomfortable that you can't accept the fact that I'm unavailable I'm all set so that one a little more firm we are going to go over some scenarios where we might need to set boundaries um and talk about tips for setting that type of the foundary and advocating for yourself so this is a common one I see with my students almost every day a new coworker just started at your workplace you introduce yourself and the coworker repeats your name
009back with the wrong pronunciation she continues to pronounce your name wrong every time she talks to you when you attempt to correct her she laughs and says your name is too difficult to say I'm just going to call you Chris um I'm curious has anyone had this happen before someone getting your name wrong all the time no as so we know this is really important our name are one of the most important and fundamental things about us our name is part of our identity when people continue to say the wrong name mispronounce our names we can feel that that part of our identity is disrespected so an example of advocating for yourself in this situation saying oh no thanks That's Not My Name I'd like to be addressed by my actual name at work now
010again we have a scale that helps us with this because some co-workers you might be really close with some co-workers you might feel nervous around so different levels on the scale smes I could say oh it's actually pronounced like this you keep my voice very polite very friendly medium I could just correct the person I could just correct the pronunciation I could say it's jel not jel fire I might choose to use if this person over and over and over again ignores my request so I might say you can't just use a different name for me just because you can't remember mine that makes me feel like you don't really respect me we're going to talk a little about medical self advocacy advocating when you go to a doctor Urgent Care a clinic wherever we
011might get medical care so this is a common scenario you have been having strange pain in your side all week so you make an appointment with a doctor when the doctor comes into the office she seems busy and and distracted she is speaking very quickly and talking over you when you describe your symptoms she tells you it sounds like nothing recommends you watch what you eat and begins to send you home so we will talk about about some tips for communicating effectively and advocating for ourselves when we are at the doctors so we recommend taking notes make a list of questions to ask your provider before the appointment um write down any symptoms that you want to discuss and remember to write down how long you have had them if you have a c write
012down that you have had a c for one week two weeks also take notes during your appointment and write down what your doctor or provider says requesting records so you want to make sure that you ask for specific medical needs ask if you want to have testing done ask if you want medication for your pain if a provider refus uses your request ask them to document that it was refused in your chart when the doctor is accountable for writing down that they refused they may be more likely to help you request copies of any medical records or lab results you have the right to any copies of any of your own medical referes also always know that you have the right to refuse treatment if you do not want a specific type of test um
013medication you do not have to do it we also have the right to receive medical information in our own language so you are not being annoying or difficult if you ask a provider to repeat to slow down um or for a translator remember that providers are responsible for making sure you understand your medical care if they do not provide you with information you can understand they are not doing their jobs now this next step is a really important strategy um when trying to communicate pain to a doctor some doctors do not always take pain seriously depending on how you describe it so what is recommended is what we call the L TT method L stands for location where is the pain located in your body telling the doctor it's in my head it's in my
014knees I stands for intensity how bad is the pain on a scale from 1 to 10 T the first T stands for tip describe what the pain actually feels like is it stinging is it aching is it stabbing and the second T stands for time when did the pain first start how long have you had the pain so we will look an example of ineffective versus effective pain communication if I say my side hurts that only gives my provider a little bit of information they might then decide my problem is not serious here we have an example of effective pain communication using the L TT method since about 2: p.m. yesterday I have had a sharp stabbing pain in my lower left side right above my hip that has has not gone away on a
0150 to 10 scale the pain has been a six so when we say since 2: p.m. and when we say it has not gone away we are using time sharp and stabbing pain is the type of pain we describe our location of the Pain by saying in my lower left side right above my hip and we describe the intensity by using that 0 to 10 scale now when we use pain scales it helps very much to use a scale with a preestablished baseline if you have ever been to the emergency room you might notice that many people say my pain is a 10 I have seen people say my pain is a 10 who were giving birth having hiy stones but also I have seen people say my pain is a 10 um for paper
016CS right so using a baseline for reference for example if a broken bone is an eight my pain right now is at A7 this helps the doctor understand what that scale means to you so use a baseline you are familiar [Music] with so an example of self advocacy in the situation we described when the doctor is ignoring our symptoms would look like I don't feel comfortable going home with this level of pain and you are speaking too fast for me to understand i' like to request a translator so that we can talk more about my symptoms for our next scenario we are going to to look at school for those of us who have children in school your child has an I that allows them to get extra time when taking a test due to
017a learning disability your child comes home and tells you that their math teacher is not allowing them to use their extra time so you schedule an IEP meeting with your child's teacher and special educator the teacher tells you that he does not allow extra time during tests and that your child won't get special treat like that in the real world so a few tips about school based self advocacy as someone who works in schools making specific asks is helpful if I say to a teacher help my child they are not accountable to one specific action we could Define help my child in many ways so instead I would say I would like to revisit Kayla's IEP plan if you request a specific action that means you can also request specific followup for example please email
018me in the next two weeks to let me know what steps have been taken to address this just like with medical information you have the right to print it copies of information like school policies your child's records IP plans anything we also recommend just like with doctor's appointments coming to parent teacher conferences with questions written out and of course stay in communication I always appreciate when parents and caregivers are very involved and advocating for their kids because my students parents know what they need better than I do so staying in constant communication is very helpful so our response to this scenario could look like oh my child's IEP isn't special treatment it's something they have a right to in school I really want them to succeed in your class if you feel like you can't
019work with me on this I'd like to include the vice principal in our conversation to see if she can help explain it the next scenario we are going to look at is work because we know sometimes your boss or manager might not be acting in your best interest so in this scenario you recently started a job working at a restaurant you told your boss in the interview that you you are not free to work Mondays and Wednesdays after 3:00 because you need to pick up your child from school you notice this week's schedule has you listed as working Monday from 2: to 8 when you ask your boss about that she says unfortunately we are under staffed that day so I'll need you to come in anyways so our tips for professional self advocacy framing
020asks Within Mutual interests sometimes we have a boss or manager or supervisor who cares about our interest sometimes we do not so let your boss know how your requests will benefit both of your interests an example could be saying I feel really drained having four night shifts in a row when there are some morning shifts in my schedule as well I feel energize coming in to work and I finished t so much more quickly use evidence um so when advocating at work do not be afraid to ask for raises or promotions the worst thing they can do is say no but we can't often get them with without asking um so come come to meetings prepared with evidence maybe with sales records maybe with a customer revieww um if they say no to a raise
021or promotion ask your employer what they would like to see from you in the future also proposing Solutions if you know that what you are asking may cause a problem for an employer come up with a potential plan to counteract any negative side effects so if I am calling out of work I can ask someone to cover for me or suggest another option so one strategy we can use when we are communicating and setting boundaries with people who have power or influence over us is instead of setting a consequence like I will with my job use feelings as consequences for example I could say if you go through my phone without asking I I won't have you over anymore if I see a friend go through my phone but if I'm talking to my mom
022I can't really say that so instead I could say it's hard to feel close to you and enjoy spending time together when I can't trust that so we see this in our example here [Music] unfortunately I set my availability as before 300 p.m. because picking up my child after school isn't something I have the ability to rearrange would you like me to reach out to rashik about covering that shift or do you think you can find coverage our last scenario is a scenario with a roommate you recently moved in with a new roommate who seems to really enjoy being around your child your roommate has started to invite your child into his room alone and has been offering them candy that he keeps telling them to keep secret if you try to call your child
023away from him he tells you not to be rude and claims that they like spending time with him so when we talk about setting boundaries boundaries with our kids are so important so some important boundaries we or our kids no other adult should ask your child to keep secrets from you even small ones other adults should not be requesting to spend time alone with your child other adults should respect your child's physical space adults should not buy your child things without asking or telling you now it can be award to set these boundaries with roommates family people we live with so our second communication strategy for when setting boundaries is difficult is what we call a reverse boundary if you feel unsafe setting a boundary with someone instead of telling them what they should not
024do compliment them on doing the opposite so compliment them on doing what you would like them to do so instead of saying to a friend don't yell at me when we argue it makes me feel unsafe around you if I live with that particular friend instead I could use a reverse boundary and say I love when you stay calm during arguments it makes me feel so safe around around you people tend to respond more positively to reverse boundaries because instead of criticizing their actions you are raising actions you can do this even if the person has not done the opposite Behavior yet because sometimes this compliment can make them feel like they already did feel like it was their idea and feel motivated to do it again in the future so an example of this
025that we could use with a roommate who we feel may be easily offended would be it's definitely not meant to offend you this is just a policy we have to keep our kids safe they're able to Fe feel much more comfortable and enjoy their time more with adults who don't ask them to keep secrets whether these are boundaries you set for your child requests you make of your doctor um or simply making sure that people give you the respect of pronouncing your name correctly advocating for yourself is incredibly important when we advocate for ourselves we teach our children and everyone around us to do the same and we keep our whole Community safer does anyone have any questions about any of the types of self advocacy we discussed if you think of questions I will
026stay around for a little while afterwards so please feel free to come come up and ask thank you [Applause] w