001My name is Eva. I am a behavior analyst. Um, also a clinical director here at KYO. Um, and then I also have my wonderful supervisor here. Hi everyone. Thank you so much. Uh, we're really grateful to be here this evening with you all. I know it's beautiful sunshine outside. Um, but we're excited to be talking about a really important topic. Um, tips for understanding decreasing whining and non-compliance and hopefully are going to be able to help um, provide some tools and give you some strategies. Um, we can go ahead and maybe share the screen up on our end. One second. Options are a little different here. Perfect. Awesome. Um, and we can't see you guys. You can see us, but if you are comfortable and if you're interested, um, definitely feel free to add in
002any questions or any comments in the chat. We can definitely see the chat. Um, if you want to introduce yourself or want to give us some information of what you're particularly interested in learning about today, feel free to drop that in the chat. It's a great way for us to know who's out there and who we're speaking to. Um, but outside of that, we can get started. My name is Drameit. I am a senior regional director with Kyo and we are an a ABA service agency. So we provide applied behavioral analysis ABA services for to children in homes as well as schools as well as in the community. Uh we provide parent training uh behavioral consultation um and school and community shadow support. So a lot of our services are onetoone. So we have our
003therapists out in the field uh working directly with families um directly with children. Um we are local. So, our local office is here in um Hayward as well as in conquered, but outside of that, we serve um over 10 different states across the United States. Um and we have our website here, kyocare.com. Um so, if you wanted to learn more information about our services um and what we do, um thank you so much. I see some folks are chatting and um introducing themselves and just really excited to be be able to meet with you all and talk to you all. Um and with that, I'm going to pass it back over to Eva. Eva is a fantastic board certified behavioral analyst BCBA that we have on our team. She's one of our lead uh clinical
004directors in the East Bay region, and we're so excited uh for her to be talking with you all this evening. Awesome. Thank you. All righty. So, we'll get started um with our training for this afternoon or evening. Um so, this is our agenda. So, we're going to talk about what whining and non-compliance looks like and maybe what it is. Um also determining why these behaviors can happen. So, what is the root cause of these behaviors? Um and then also strategies to promote that cooperative behavior. So, how can we break that down? Teach those replacement behaviors. um and also you know some tolerance and then at the very end we'll go over some questions and answers um but also if you have any questions in the meantime as I'm presenting feel free to put them in
005the chat um I also will try to make this as interactive as possible um I know I can't see you all but if you have any kind of like stories or um things that you can relate to um regarding the content we'll go over feel free to chat that if you feel comfortable and we can um do some interactive there interactions there. They can also do the raised hand feature if you have opportunity for them to talk and I can bring them into the space to to talk. Perfect. Yeah. Perfect. Thank you. Awesome. All righty. Okay. So, first we're going to talk about defining non-compliance and what that looks like. Um, at first glance we might kind of picture what non-compliance is, but u we really want to define what that behavior is and h
006and and picture it and observe it. So um in general non-compliance is a failure or refusal to comply with something like a rule or request. Um however this might differ from child to child. Um, non-compliance can look like vocal protests like I don't want to or not right now or it could also be like screaming maybe um having engaging in a tantrum, throwing items when a demand is placed. Um, however, um, you want to make sure you define that behavior based on your on your child. So, some examples, additional examples could be verbal and non-verbal protesting. Um, also some physical aggression and or property destruction. However, it does not need to include all of these. Again, it's very um specific to your child. Okay. So, now we are going to define the function of behaviors.
007Um so, the functions of behaviors are the reasons why we as people engage in behaviors. So, not only is it the children but ourselves as well. There are four main functions of behaviors. Um and the way that I like to remember this is through the acronym eats. Um so E is escape avoidance, A is attention and this is from others. Uh T is tangibles so access to tangibles and then C is sensory self soothing. Um sensory could also be to um to also get rid of an unpleasant s uh unpleasant feeling as well. So our escape avoidance function um this is if a behavior occurs because a child wants to get away from something or someone. So um wanting to delay or escape a demand or unpleasant work task um can be period of time
008of the day um a person a non-preferred person anything that is um non-prefer of some of some sort. Uh so in this example um we have a dad and a child going for a walk. Um, our dad says, "Hey, let's go for a walk." Child says, "No, I don't want to." And then flops to the ground. Dad then says, "Fine, then we'll go back in the house. We don't have to go on a walk anymore." Um, so you can see that after the the child engages in this non-compliance, he then rem the dad then removes that demand and then kind of just allows them to escape that that non that potentially non-preferred task or demand. Um this could um doesn't again it doesn't have to be non-compliance. You know other children can engage in a
009variety of different behaviors um that could result in escape or avoidance. Our second function is attention from others. Um this is when the behavior occurs because a child is trying to gain social attention or reaction from another person or people. Um let me I think I have a question here. pull this aside. Um, so when getting attention from others, it can be from familiar people, um, strangers. Um, so it doesn't matter what the relationship look like looks like, but it can just be receiving attention from anyone. Also, the social attention can be positive or negative. So it can be in the form of reprimanding. Um, it can be a form of cuddling. So, physical touch, gestures, eye contact, and also any kind of vocal attention. So, all attention is attention. Um, so we have this
010example. Um, a mom um picks up the phone to make a call. Maybe they're dialing a family, a family or friend. Uh, the child then cries, "Mama, mom." Um, mom then quickly hangs up the phone and says, "Yes, love. How can I help you?" So you can see in this example as soon as the child was engaging in that crying um or it can be non-compliance or any kind of undesirable behavior, mom then proceeds by providing attention. So that is a behavior maintained by attention. Our third function is tangibles. Um also known as access to tangibles. This is when a behavior occurs because a child is trying to get to physically get access to something they want or need. Um, so this can be an item or activity. Um, it could also be access to
011an environment as well. Um, a lot of times it can, you know, it's their it's their motivation to obtain something. Um, in our example, we have a we have two siblings. Um, they're maybe both playing at a park. In the picture here, you can see that one is really upset um and one is grabbing a toy from the younger sibling. So maybe they're both playing and then all of a sudden um the other sibling pulls at their sister's hair because they want a toy. Sister then lets go of the toy and then runs off crying and now the other sibling has access to that toy. So older sibling knows that okay if I pull out my sister's hair eventually she's to let go I can get what I want problem solved. Uh definitely undesirable and
012something you might exam uh you know encounter on a day-to-day basis or often. So that is access to tangibles. Then lastly we have our sensory function. Um this is when a behavior occurs because a behavior is internally pleasing to a child in some way. However, this could also occur um when wanting to remove an unpleasant um stimulation or feeling. Um it can be due to any one or multiple of our five senses. Uh so sight, smell, hearing, taste, or touch. And I see here a question here. Um where does manipulation fall when a child wants something from separated parents? Um, see, Glenda, um, could you provide a maybe an example? So, is the child wanting access to an object or, um, or what does that look like? Glend, I'm bringing you into the space to
013talk. You can check yourself off mute if you'd like to explain instead of Am I off mute? Mute. Okay. Um the child lives between his mother and father. Let's say for example every time there is an exchange the child says are you do you promise that you're going to get me that stuffy you're going to buy me my shoes promise. Promise you know and kind of it's manipulation. I in other words the next thing you know is I don't want to go with you if you don't promise. Does that help? Yeah. Yes. That helps a lot. Yeah. So, that could possibly fall under um and depending on the situation. Um I mean, if there's a little bit more behind that, um it sounds like it could be that like bargaining or um yeah, the bargaining
014could be maintained by access to tangibles. Um where maybe if you know, one parent says, "Okay, hey, if you come over and you do really great at home, you behave well, then I'm going to buy you a new toy." Um, and that could definitely fit into this category of access tangibles. Um, if there's a little bit more to that where maybe um, the child is getting attention from parents, that also could be part of that as well. Um, but I'm thinking kind of based on what you provided me with, it looks like this behavior that behavior like that bargaining or that manipulation might fall into this category of access intangibles. Um and we'll go into detail about kind of how to um work on some replacement behaviors based on um the function of a behavior
015and then also we'll discuss how can we um how can we react to that. So if we can't prevent the behavior by teaching that replacement appropriate behavior and it does happen, how can we react to it and how can we deescalate the situation? That kind of answer your question there? Yeah. Okay. Awesome. Hey. Oops. Okay. Um, so going back to our last function, sensory. Um, this is when the behavior occurs um because when the behavior occurs because it is internally pleasing um to the child in some way. So it could also be removal of an unpleasant feeling as well. Um again this is due to one or more of our five senses like sight, smell, hearing, taste or touch. Um and generally during a behavior maintained by sensory, it's the child or the person themselves
016that's producing that that sensory stimulation. It's not maintained or social and not maintained by another person or socially mediated. So in this example, our parent is doing everything and anything. Maybe going about their day, just doing their task. Um maybe coming in and saying hi to the child. Um and then the child's just biting their nails or maybe rocking back and forth. Um just kind of doing it randomly maybe. So in this case um if the child is engaging in this kind of behavior um regardless of whatever others are doing then this behavior is most likely maintained um by a sensory function. Okay. Now that we know or actually before we go into um how we can um work on alternative behaviors or teaching appropriate behaviors and how to how to deescalate situations, um do
017any of you have any examples or maybe stories of um things that you've encountered that fit maybe into one of those four functions or um any questions about that? and I'll monitor monitor the chat in case anyone has questions or examples. Okay, I'll move on. But if anyone has questions or examples, feel free to chat them in there and I'll definitely keep an eye on that. Okay, so now that we know what the behavior is and why it's occurring that function, now what? What do we do? So these are some strategies to avoid whiting or non-compliance. So how to um try to prevent it from occurring but also how can we support our our children um and maybe coping and also engaging in that appropriate replacement behavior. So our three top strategies um to decrease
018behaviors are providing choices uh priming and then also using clear and simple instructions. And these are some of my favorites. So our first strategy um again is choices. So and choices enhance a person's quality of life. It definitely provides a lot of buyin for the individual and increases the motivation. If we're just giving instructions out and giving demands out, um sometimes the child might feel like like they're being bossed around. So if it's possible, you can provide choices. So maybe, hey, we're going to go on a walk today. Do you want to go walk to the park or do you want to walk down um towards this really cool statue over here? And maybe the child likes to walk towards the park. Um so you're still going on a walk, but providing a choice and
019letting them choose which way they want to go. Or maybe you're getting ready for bedtime and bedtime routine is a little bit difficult. Um, you can say, "Hey, we got to get ready for bed, but do you want to brush your teeth first or do you want to wash your face or do you want to brush your teeth first or put your animal your stuffed animals away?" Um, so you're giving the child again that chance to make a decision. Although it's it's controlled and a force choice, um, you're allowing them to make that opportunity to make a decision. Um, you can even make choices or provide choices with time. Um, so time frames. So, okay, we have to start getting ready for bed. We can get ready in 5 minutes or in 10 minutes. So,
020although you still have to follow through that demand, you allow them to uh choose a time when to start and again get their buy in for that. You could also provide choices with materials. Um so maybe you're starting a homework assignment. Homework it maybe is difficult and not preferred. Um, but giving them an option to maybe start on a certain page or a certain topic. Um, even like using writing utensils. Do you want to use a marker or do you want to use a pencil? Maybe they just bought some markers and they're super cool and like, "Oh, I want to use this for my math homework if it's appropriate." So, again, it it's a really awesome strategy to to get that buy in and increase that motivation for um completing any kind of tasks. Our
021third strategy is priming. Um, priming signals when a transition or demand is coming up. Um, it basically allows the child to know when something is coming or when to anticipate a transition or a task. U, when you are using priming, you want to keep the language simple and easy for the child to understand. So, keeping it short and concise and depending on your child's age or maybe um their understanding of language, you can change the phrase phrases. So, some things that I like to do like, hey, okay, in five minutes we're going to get ready or um okay, first we're going to do um we're going to do homework and then we can take a snack break. So, you're giving them the option. You're not giving option, you're giving them the heads up of when
022to anticipate a transition. Um, a couple other, um, tools for ping that are really helpful are the use of timers and visuals. Um, so they can see when that time is kind of counting down and when they have to make a transition or when they have to do a task. Um, and then also a visual, you could use it for routines. So maybe when to get ready in the morning, uh, afternoon or in the evening. Or you can make a visual for smaller parts of the day. So maybe like when to what to do in the next hour or um even part of a task. So these are really helpful. And um with visuals for like schedules, you can use pictures, you can also use text. So writing out the the tasks or activities um
023whatever is most appropriate for your child. Our third strategy uh for decreasing um whining and non-compliance is the use of clear and simple instructions. Um with the use of clear and simple instructions, it helps the child understand those expectations. Um and it also increases a compliance. Um sometimes if we just kind of give like a general vague instruction like put away your stuff, maybe they have a ton of toys out, they have their clothes and they're like ah this is a lot. like what do I have to do? Um instead, we can be very specific and clear. It's like, hey, let's let's put away your shoes by the front door and hang up your coat. Okay, that task seems a lot more simple than putting away all my stuff. So, just breaking it down for
024your child and making it more simple, clear, and concise. Um being very specific. Again, it also gives them the understanding of um what is coming, what is to come next. Um, this also could be used for what kind of behaviors to engage in. So, um, maybe you're going to present a demand, a demand like, "Hey, we're going to we're going to start homework in five minutes." Okay, when we're doing homework, we need to have a nice calm body. We have to use our words. We can ask for a break. So, you can give them those clear um rules and expectations um of what behaviors to engage in during that task. it gives them that little reminder. Okay, so those were our our preventative strategies. Um, have any of you use those strategies before in your
025day-to-day life? Um, with your children um or maybe with students? Um, any success with those strategies or maybe um some barriers to using those strategies as well? and feel free to chat. Oh, Jackie, go ahead. Yeah, thanks Eva. And as um folks are leaving in their chat, I think just to note these, you know, what we always experience is that proactive strategies are going to um have there's going to be more effort on the parent part to set up the environment. Um, and sometimes it's just easier of, you know, when we're go go go and we're in the moment and we're rushed, we might not have that time to set up, you know, the different ways to follow through or set different ways to be um setting up the environment in that way, but it
026goes a long way. And really what it does is to create um that learned behavior of this is what I can expect. And so in that example um that we heard in terms of at every drop off or every transition between mom and dad maybe this has become a repeat pattern of I'm going to now say this and this is the type of response that you know I'm going to um be getting from mom and from dad. And so some of it can just be attention and some of it can just turn into learn behavior. So really important to kind of set these up in advance and um put the effort in um on that end of it. Awesome. Thank you. Okay. And now we got a got a hand raise for comment. Go ahead,
027Glenda. Thanks. Um, if you're beyond the strategies and you've done all those with your child, you're trying to get them to be a self-starter and they're not making that transition to a self-starter, you really don't want to have to go back through this because it adds frustration to you of having to repeat all this over. And it's sort of like um the the child thinks, I won, I'm here, he's going to remind me again, he's going to do this, do that, he's gonna whatever. And that's what a parent's trying to get away from. So, can you help that parent? Yeah, that's a great question and also a great concern too. Um, I think the huge part of that is um ensuring that we or as as parents ensuring that um you know that followth through
028is is maintained over time. Um because sometimes once we implement these strategies, things kind of go really well and then um you know if we kind of slip up a little bit sometimes those behaviors um then kind of resurge and come up and then you don't want to backtrack again. But I think as long as we maintain that um that maintenance of those strategies then fading out your assistance and promoting those other behaviors becoming more independent um and maybe um you know instead of reinforcing you know compliance of you know let's say uh doing one page of a homework then after and then setting the expectation to something a little bit more difficult to okay you have to do all of your homework um or you have to start it by yourself and then you
029get reinforced for that. Um, so you definitely kind of have to shake those expectations little by little um and follow through with those new ones. And I see Bill left a comment here uh just to add on to that. For self-starting, I found that consistently modeling and redirecting behaviors eventually and sometimes very surprisingly just suddenly flips into habituated and automatic compliance. Yes, definitely. Yeah, thank you, Bill. Yeah, it sounds like a lot of folks are familiar with ABA, which is really, really wonderful to see. Um, and another, you know, kind of followup to that is even as adults, we need a lot of prompts. And so oftentimes I joke, but I'm not joking, is that if if it's not on my calendar, I'm not going to remember to do it. Um, and those are prompts
030that we're used to and they're, you know, socially acceptable for us. Um and so trying to just like Eva said is to shape and kind of maybe fade away maybe certain prompts but maybe create them into more um appropriate types of prompts or which ways that you know a child can kind of um set reminders for themselves or set reinforcers or you know contracts for themselves um to be engaging in certain behaviors. But even as adults we need prompts and we'll continue to need those as well. Yeah, I agree. I always say that if I don't have a schedule for work or calendar then I'm not going to remember my meeting. So I think as we as we age and progress and even the children like they we can find ways to support them in
031a more um developmentally appropriate way. For sure. Yeah. And Bill wrote the most critical element is consistency across all adults as much as possible. Yes. Huge. Consistency across as many adults as possible is huge because um even though let's say one person is implementing all these strategies and then we have someone else kind of goes out the window then that creates a lot of confusion for the child. So if we can get as many people as possible on board with those same strategies then that's going to go a long way for the child for sure. So thank you. Great. All righty. Um, so now we'll get into our reactive strategies. Um, so the top three strategies that I'll be talking about today are following through, planned ignoring, and redirection. Okay. Here, just move this around.
032Okay. So for following through uh when whining and non-compliance is occurring for escape, so wanting to escape a demand or non-preferred task, we want to prompt an appropriate way to escape that task or demand for a short period of time. Um so allowing the child to know that they can use our words to communicate that they need a break or um they need a second to then, you know, come back to it. Um because you want to promote that appropriate language. Although that followthrough and completion is important, their communication is as equally if not even more important as well. Um after that short period of time, you want to represent that initial task and help the child complete it. Um sometimes that short little like break or a little kind of takeaway time is not
033enough and sometimes we have to even modify the task. So maybe you're doing, let's say, um, cleaning up and we have a whole box of Legos all on the floor, like hundreds of pieces. Um, which is a lot, a lot even for me as an adult. Um, and maybe you, you know, the child starts to engage in non-compliance is whining. You say, and you probably say, I need a break. Okay, you can have a break. You know, we'll come back to this in two minutes. You come back, maybe they do a couple, start engaging in some non-compliance again. Maybe you say, "Okay, how about we do two more or three more pieces and then we can be all done and come back to this later this evening." Um, so you're still following through, modifying, um,
034but still letting the child know that, you know, they can't escape appropriately and then come back to completing that task or demand. Our third strategy is planned ignoring. Um, this is very helpful when wanting or non-compliance occurs for attention. Again, attention can be any kind of thing. So, it can be that positive attention like hugs, cuddles, yay, praising. Um, but also can be that that reprimanding that maybe that scowl or that don't do that little kind of finger. So, all attention is attention. So, what we want to do is let's say whining occurs to get attention like in this picture here. uh we want to prompt an appropriate way to request that attention. So maybe tapping the shoulder or maybe tapping the body. However, it's really important to limit the amount of verbal or non-verbal
035attention during this process. Um so one thing that I do recommend is just trying to avoid any kind of intentional eye contact or like startled responses. That's still attention, but um just prompting the client or your child to request for that attention appropriately. So maybe a tap mommy I want to play or hey mommy come cuddle with and then once that appropriate request that can provide that attention and reinforce that appropriate behavior. Our third strategy here is redirection. This is when whiting and non-compliance occurs when uh occurs to access of tangible. So when your child wants access to an item, activity or maybe to an environment, um this is when you want to use redirection. So when this occurs, you want to prompt an appropriate way to request access to the item or activity the
036child wants. So let's say Bobby is crying maybe or whining and he really wants that that toy in the sandbox like I want that toy. Ah, maybe you wait until the child deescalates. Then you prompt Bobby to say, "Mommy, I want my sandbox and my toys." Okay, thank you for using your words. Now I can go play with it. However, that's not always the case. Sometimes the item or the activity activity is not available or appropriate for that time frame or that day or whatever it is. Um maybe you run out of snack and you can't go to the grocery store till the next day and you you can't give it to them right away. So, if that occurs, you want to redirect the child to another choice or option. Okay, we don't have goldfishes
037today. I'm so sorry. We're going to go grocery shopping tomorrow, but I have, let's say, your gummies. That's an option. You can have gummies or you can have your Oreos. And that way, the child knows that there are other options available. However, sometimes when you provide an option that whining and non-compliance or any undesirable behavior can still occur, but it's really important to hold out and not give access to that item during that um when that child is engaging in that undesirable behavior. Um but really important again to request for access, prompt uh request for access um using that functional communication and also redirection when that item is not available. Uh before I move on, um does anyone have any experience using these strategies or um success or maybe some barriers or even questions as
038to maybe um some some scenarios you've encountered? All right, I'll move on, but um I'll definitely monitor the chat just in case. One raised hand. Give me one second to bring her in. Perfect. Thank you. Hi there. Can you hear me? Yes. Okay, I just wanted to say about selling it because is giving that option or redirecting, but it's not as good of a choice and exciting of an option than the first thing. So, my struggle is making it sound better, you know, and and really, you know, that tone of voice like we can't go to the pool right now, but we can go to the sandbox, you know. Um, do you have anything to say about that? And what are some tips on um, redirecting in terms of, you know, your personal way you
039act, maybe the voice that you use, you know, more details on that, if that makes sense. Yeah, it definitely does. Yes. And I definitely have encountered this um, as well. It's like, okay, well, nothing really is as fun as this thing that's not available like going swimming u, but we have these other options. Um, something that I've done is just by making that play or that act, whatever that other option is, um, and being super creative with it. So, maybe kind of figure out different unique ways you can engage in that sandbox like, hey, you know, we can make a pretend pool over here and, you know, act like we're swimming if that doesn't, you know, further escalate. But finding ways to make it um, like creative and fun and adding some more value into
040that can help. Um you could also do is like if it is available a different day you know doing like a visual like okay hey um you know in five sleeps we can go then then go swimming and that way they know that that item or that activity is available but at a different time. Um so I would definitely try to be creative with that other option as much as possible. Um and then you know once they are able to have the access to that um activity like the pool um maybe just really reiterate to like hey you did a great job waiting you know I know it was such a long time but guess what we get to go today now you did a great job you know waiting and being patient um and
041now we get to go today. So just reinforcing and um letting them know that that desired behavior of waiting um is that what is desired from them. Any questions about that? I hope that helped. So okay, here are some final tips. uh when a behavior is occurring uh specifically maybe an undesirable behavior uh remember to determine the function of the behavior. So kind of go back and think why is this happening? Um sometimes in the moment it feels like it's happening just because or it's there's no reason. Uh but just kind of think about okay like what what kind of triggers this behavior and then think about that acronym SEAT S A T. Um and then see okay is it sensory? Is it escape? Is it access to tangibles or um is it attention? So
042um kind of do that first and then based on that function select the most appropriate and effective reactive strategy. Um so making sure that either you follow through redirection um or um that plan ignoring most important thing is to be very cons is to be consistent. This is very important um not only just across yourself but as many people involved uh making sure that they're also consistent with these strategies. And then lastly really important to implement both those proactive and reactive strategies. Um when you implement that those proactive strategies you're promoting that appropriate behavior and we can allow the child to contact that reinforcement through engaging in those appropriate behaviors. And I see Sarah here has a a comment. um they've been along in ABA for a while. Um one thing she struggled with is
043how to approach these strategies when your child has significant impulse control, executive functioning difficulties and genuinely can't seem to do some of these things. Yeah, great question. Um one thing that I found really helpful is to modify our expectations for those demands. Um, so and maybe um, you know, let's say Sarah, can you give me maybe an example of a task or something that you kind of experienced difficulty with? Um, but one thing in general I found is to kind of in the moment if possible kind of lower expectations and reinforce those small little victories in the steps of their our child is doing. bringing Sarah in to talk. Thank you. Okay. Thanks. Um, sure. Um, so gosh, so many things, but uh, like we, you know, we've been working on increasing independence with a
044lot of things including um, cleaning up after yourself or those kinds of things. Um, and all of our kids, honestly, our whole family has ADHD, so we all struggle with um, staying on task and with kind of that impulse control of, you know, waiting your turn or, you know, kind of managing all of these different tasks. And, you know, say like my six-year-old, he's kind of being compliant. Um, but you know, and he's helping us. He's working together with the cleanup, but it takes a lot of non-stop effort to maintain his engagement. Um, you know, and and yes, we've lowered expectations for years of on a lot of things. And I I think though we're at this point where we're trying to figure out, you know, at what point and how do we start to
045increase expectations or try to increase independence um for certain things when you know we know it's hard for them. So we're trying to be realistic, but they also are going to need to live in the world. So they do need these skills. Yeah, of course. Yeah. One thing we can do is really figure out what is a what is your child motivated by? So, what are some of the reinforcers? Uh, and maybe let's say, um, you need to clean something up and it generally takes, let's say, like like 30 minutes to wrap something up and kind of get going. Um, and then you're like, okay, I want to take it up a little notch and maybe if we shape this to where cleanup takes 20 minutes instead of 30 minutes, we can go for a
046walk outside if that's preferred. Um, and then they're like, "Hey, if we clean up a little faster today, then we can go for a walk or something or we can get, you know, maybe ice cream later today." Um, and that way you're kind of slowly shaping that expectation to get a little bit more desirable and then once you hit that new, let's say, kind of new expectation, um, only providing that reinforcement when um, they engage in that new expectation. And maybe, you know, one day cleanup does take 30 minutes and you're like, "Oh, hey, but I'm so sorry. You know, it took us a little longer today, but maybe tomorrow we can try again." And if we, you know, clean up in 15 minutes, then we can try working for our ice cream again or
047for our walk. um it's going to get, you know, it might be a little hard to kind of take that next step, but as long as you follow through with that expectation of um shaping that behavior and and reinforcing only that new expectation, um that should help kind of, you know, move it a little bit along the way. Yeah, I absolutely agree. I think that um having those short kind of easy to achieve milestones are really helpful and you know one thing that I really liked in your example is kind of you described the family unit of like it's you know it might be hard um for everyone and so maybe having that group contingency of well we're going to work together we are a team and we're going to you know achieve this task
048and then once everyone does their part this is what we as a team are going to get you know in terms of some of those um rewards cards or reinforcement. Um, but it does kind of set the tone of everyone is working together, we're helping and then being able to then, you know, separate out over time of, okay, well, everyone has to do their independent parts um to contribute to the group efforts of, you know, whether it's getting out of the door on time, whether it's getting ready for dinner, do, you know, folding clothes, um, doing these day-to-day routines. Um, that may be a challenge. All righty. Well, that brings us to our end, but we can go ahead and answer any more questions um over here or maybe comments, anything of that sort. I
049think this one came just in a challenge we've had is maintaining any gains and new routines because every day feels like we're starting over again. Um, yeah, routines are tough and I think it routines are definitely one of those pieces if you know you can put them into place for some time and then you have to freshen it up and have a new routine. But, you know, having everyone maybe get some buy in or writing it out whether it's on a board, a piece of paper. You know, I always say you don't have to get a laminator to, you know, make it visual. You could just write these things out and getting that buy in maybe the night before of, you know, this is a routine that we're going to stick to. Does everyone agree?
050Um and if so, you know, what are what are the rewards that everyone is going to be getting um for sticking to that routine and celebrating those small wins? Um if you did one part of the routine and not the entire routine, make sure you're acknowledging um that you did some parts of that routine. Yeah, I would agree. I think in those sometimes those small little things, they kind of go unnoticed because like, oh, it's just happened, you know? But definitely celebrating those small wins because that can go a long way for um our children like, "Oh, I got noticed today. Mom said I did a great job putting away my socks." Although it's super small for you. Um that might be something big for for them. Being um praised for that small little thing
051and can definitely bold like, "Oh, okay. Well, let me you know start doing a couple other things." And then you provide more of that praise and that reinforcement. See if we have any question here. Um, so what do you do when you are frustrated with doing all these strategies and you feel you are negotiating and getting nowhere? Um, single male parent. Yeah, that can definitely be frustrating. Like I'm trying so hard. Um, the one thing to try and keep in mind is that these strategies are not going to always work overnight. Um, it does take some time and sometimes um, honestly you might see it kind of get a not to sound scary, a little worse at first. maybe like the behavior that non-compliance gets a little louder or they start bargaining a little bit
052more or you might see a new undesirable behavior kind of pop up. Um, but as long as you try to be consistent, also give yourself that grace and patience of like, okay, I'm human, I get upset. Um, just trying to follow through with that. So even if you see it kind of get worse, uh making sure that you try to follow through with those expectations and and not give up because it does take some time and coaching to kind of um to get get these strategies going. Um yeah, and you know modeling is a great way so you know Eva mentioned reinforcement and that's really the foundation for behavior change, right? And so any small thing that um you see as this is a desirable behavior or this is something I want my child to
053repeat. Being able to comment on that pro provide praise be very specific. I really liked the way you you know asked me or you uh waited your turn or any of those things. Um, and then being able to also model it and, you know, maybe do a reflection period at the end of the day of, you know, there was all of these moments where, you know, we did all of these great things together and these were moments that maybe, you know, we can do differently and kind of kind of tie up your day at the end of the day of, you know, this is these are some expectations or some rules that I as a parent want to be able to follow and commit to and, you know, what are some things that you um
054also want to be able to contribute to. And so being able to have those conversations and allowing your child to also call out your behavior, reinforce your behavior, um, you know, it allows them to give a little bit more of that control and offer choices of, hey, these are things that we should be working on together. That's great. And uh, maybe just to add on a little bit to that too, it's sometimes you might feel like, oh, why do I have to acknowledge this when it should be happening automatically? they should know that this is an expectation. Um but yeah, I mean that might be your desired kind of outcome. Um however, we do want to make sure that we're again celebrating those small little accomplishments and then as we start to see those um
055that compliance of the smaller things um then kind of feeding away that you know need to kind of vocally say and praise it and then you know when bigger tasks get accomplished then uh praising those ones. Um and I see Kit here has a comment. Um the difference between setting consequence in advance versus punishment. Can you speak the difference? Um yes, setting consequences. Um setting consequences um it could be like you know I definitely think that it's allowing the child to know what are those expectations of letting them know how they can contact that reinforcement like hey okay if we finish all your chores tonight then we can have a pizza party tomorrow. Unfortunately, if we don't do it, we're not going to we're not going to have a pizza party. So, you're allowing them
056to know what behaviors to kind of engage in in order to contact that reinforcement. Um, which can set them up for success and engaging in that perfect behavior versus punishment. Um, this is more so of I'm going to say like we're kind of focusing more on that inappropriate behavior. um where we're not really focusing on how can we teach them that appropriate um successful behavior. Um so again like a timeout things of that nature it kind of focuses more on you know what they did incorrectly. Um, I mean, if timeout is appropriate, you know, by all means, that is totally okay. But, um, definitely making sure that you allow them to contact that reinforcement by giving them the expectations in advance.